Opinion piece by Barbara Lee
Past a certain age — especially as a woman — society seems to attach a quiet, nagging question to almost everything you do. And after a while, you start asking it yourself: "Am I too old for this?" As if somewhere out there exists an unwritten rulebook dictating exactly how a woman of a certain age should dress, move, speak, laugh, and simply exist.
It starts subtly. Can you still wear your hair long past forty? Is a short skirt off the table now? Can you go to a festival, dance until dawn, try something completely new? Can you still be loud, visible, free? Or does all of that belong to a younger version of you that you're supposed to quietly retire?
Society really loves telling women how to age
Here's the irony: the older I get, the less I care. But when I was younger? I cared enormously — even when I didn't fully admit it to myself. So many of my choices were quietly shaped by the need to meet other people's expectations. Is this outfit too much? Is that laugh too loud? Will people think it's weird if I go out with a younger crowd?
Too many women spend too much of their lives trying to take up as little space as possible. When they're young, it's to fit in. When they're older, it's because they've been told it's no longer appropriate to stand out. And somewhere along the way, their own desires quietly disappear into the background.
For me, aging worked the other way around. Not through any grand act of rebellion — it happened gradually. I simply grew tired of constantly adjusting myself to what others thought I should be. I realized it was an endless game with no way to win.
No matter what you do, someone will always disapprove. So you might as well stop trying to please everyone.
The moment that landed, something shifted. If I can't make everyone happy anyway, I thought, I might as well make myself happy. That realization felt extraordinary.
These days, I wear something sparkly if I feel like it. I go to concerts and festivals. I try new things without first asking myself whether I'm too old to pull it off. Because honestly — what's the alternative?
Sit quietly and wait? No, thank you
One of the biggest lies about aging is that your freedom is supposed to shrink along with your youth. In my experience, it's often the opposite. With age comes a clearer sense of who you actually are. You know what you love. You know what drains you. And you care a little less about whether everyone approves of you.
Yes, the body changes. And yes, the world does look at you differently as you get older — particularly as a woman. There's no point pretending otherwise. But for me, aging has brought far more emotional freedom than it has taken away.
Getting older hasn't cost me as much as it's given me. It's handed me confidence, perspective, and genuine self-knowledge. And for perhaps the first time, it's given me the feeling that I am actually living my own life — not the life that someone else decided a woman my age ought to be living.
