Dating can be exhausting — especially when you keep making the same quiet mistakes without realizing it. These tips won't guarantee a happy ending, but they might save you from a lot of unnecessary heartbreak.
Stop over-texting before you've even met
Long text conversations before a first date are mostly a waste of time. The only thing that really matters is how you feel in person. I once spent two months messaging a guy, building up what felt like a deep, almost cinematic connection — and then we met. Within five minutes it was obvious we had zero chemistry in real life. All that time, completely gone.
Keep the chatting short and get to the actual date. That's where you'll know.
Watch out for emotional oversharing on a first date
If someone opens up with an unusually heavy, heartbreaking story the very first time you meet, pay attention. It can feel like intimacy, but it's often something else entirely — a subtle form of emotional manipulation. Genuine closeness takes time. Anyone who rushes it may be trying to fast-track your trust for a reason.
Let go of your checklist — seriously
For years I had a firm rule: no men under 183 cm, and absolutely no bald men. (Never mind the fact that I'd always been completely obsessed with Jason Statham, who is neither tall nor particularly well-haired.) Then one day a friend was swiping through my Tinder and right-swiped on a guy who was balding and 178 cm. I matched with him immediately and was genuinely annoyed.
But his opening message was so clever and funny that I agreed to one date — and we've now been together for six years. If I'd stuck to my ridiculous checklist, we never would have met. Arbitrary physical preferences aren't standards. They're just fear dressed up as taste.
Ask yourself: would the people who know me best like this person?
As a psychologist, this is one of the most underrated questions in dating. Would your close friends and family genuinely like this person? It might sound like you're handing your love life over to a committee, but there's real data behind it — one of the most common reasons modern relationships fall apart is that one partner doesn't get along with the other's inner circle. A relationship that works long-term needs to fit into your actual life, not just your private world.
Stop making excuses for bad behavior early on
If something feels off by the second or third date, don't explain it away. Early dates are when someone is putting their best foot forward. If they're already showing questionable behavior now — dismissiveness, pushiness, mood swings — that's not a rough patch. That's a preview. Trust what you're seeing.
You shouldn't have to perform to be loved
If you find yourself constantly working to impress someone, constantly trying to be funnier, more interesting, more attractive than you naturally are — let them go. A relationship where you have to perform every single day isn't sustainable. The right person will want you as you are, not the curated version you're exhausting yourself to maintain. You don't need to transform yourself for anyone.
Stop limiting yourself by age
Expand your age range and mean it. I always believed my partner should be at least my age, preferably five years older. I found happiness with a man six years younger than me. My sister spent her whole life dating younger guys — and just married a charming man ten years her senior. Real compatibility doesn't come with an expiry date printed on it. Age really is just a number. Let it go.
Focus on what you feel, not what they think
It's easy to spiral into obsessing over what the other person thinks of you, whether they like you enough, whether you're coming across well. But the more useful question is simpler: What do you actually think of them? How do they make you feel? Your experience in this matters just as much as theirs.
Love isn't something you earn by trying hard enough
I spent a lot of years putting myself in situations where I felt I had to deserve affection — as if being good enough, helpful enough, patient enough would eventually make someone love me. It took some painful lessons to understand that love doesn't work like a reward system. Don't exhaust yourself chasing someone who isn't choosing you back. As my grandmother used to say: look for love where love actually exists.
Healthy boundaries from day one
Early on, a guy suggested we go to the zoo for our date. I told him I find it sad watching animals in enclosures and suggested we go somewhere else instead. A reasonable person would have said, sure, no problem — what about this place? Instead, he sulked, accused me of shooting down his "great idea," and kept pushing for the zoo.
I should have walked away right then. That small moment turned out to be a perfect preview of how he handled any disagreement throughout the entire relationship. How someone responds when you express a simple preference tells you everything. Don't ignore it.
