Tender feelings can sometimes be crushed by seemingly trivial actions.
The Warmth of Home
I’m sensitive to cold because of poor circulation and very sensitive to chilly temperatures. I never understood why I’d almost freeze working from home during the day, but when my husband was home, I didn’t shiver. We even joked that he was my personal heater. Then one day, I saw him turn down the thermostat before leaving the house. I asked why he was lowering the heat. He said it was because he was leaving. I told him, but I’m still here! He looked confused, not understanding why I was upset. He always turned off the heat when he left, and that’s why I was cold. That was the moment I realized my husband didn’t really see me as a person.
The Appearance
When I was pregnant with our child, he said he didn’t understand men who find the pregnant belly sexy, because, in his words, “this deformed body looks disgusting.”
The Solution
We adopted a puppy from a shelter, but house training didn’t go smoothly. In the second week, my husband offered to “take the dog somewhere by car, leave it, and we’ll get another one.” The dog is still with us (and house-trained!), but my husband is not.
The Help
I always did all the housework at home; he never helped at all, but I accepted it. Only once did I ask him to do a few things because we were hosting my mother-in-law’s birthday party during a tough week at work. I told him weeks in advance, reminded him every day the week before, and even wrote a list so nothing would be forgotten. He wasn’t working that day, and I didn’t ask for much—just to take some things out of the freezer, take out the trash, avoid making a mess (I cleaned the day before), and chop the vegetables.
I prepared him—with endless patience—like a child for a competition. I even called him that afternoon to make sure nothing was missed. When I came home tired, the place was a mess. Dirty dishes and glasses everywhere, clothes thrown around, and he was sitting in front of the PlayStation, not even noticing I’d arrived. When I asked why he hadn’t done anything, he just shrugged and said he got caught up in the game. I didn’t yell or throw a fit: I sent a message to his family that the party was canceled, packed my things, and left. I never went back.
The Ultimatum
We had sex four times a week, but that wasn’t enough for him. He wasn’t good in bed and never paid attention to me. Foreplay didn’t exist for him, and he didn’t care what I enjoyed, yet I fulfilled my marital duties four times a week. When he said it wasn’t enough and if he couldn’t have me every day, he would “look for affection elsewhere,” my answer was that it was time for both of us to find affection elsewhere.
The Cake
My favorite is carrot cake, everyone knows that, including my husband. Every birthday, I asked him to get me carrot cake, but in eight years of marriage, he never once bought it. Why? Because he didn’t like it. He preferred chocolate cake, so I always got chocolate cake. I don’t like chocolate cake. After the eighth chocolate cake, I filed for divorce.
