Sometimes, you hear something on the very first date that makes you never want to see that person again.
The javelin
I met the girl online. After a joke (her own joke, no less), she laughed so hard that everyone in the café turned to look at us. She giggled for minutes—I thought she might choke—then wiping tears from her eyes, she mumbled: “Oh my God, I’m as wasted as a javelin…”
I told her that as a cop—and as a person—I don’t support drug use, so I hoped she was joking. She wasn’t. She said she "does something" every day, but I wouldn’t arrest her. Then she giggled again for minutes. No second date.
Let it go
We were at a club with a dance floor. A girl was stumbling around drunk, barely standing, so I told the guy we should find her friends because I was worried. He said, “Let it be, who cares?” When I insisted, he blurted out: “There’ll be some horny gentleman to take her home, haha!”
Three hours
The guy spent three hours monologuing about his ex, reassuring me every ten minutes: “Relax, I’m over her!”
Stingy
The girl explained how "stingy" her ex was because he only took her to a restaurant three times a week.
The nerve
I’m not much of a talker, especially on a first date, so it was unusual that this guy wouldn’t let me finish a single sentence. Seriously, I barely said two words before he interrupted.
Just as I was thinking how to end the date, he said he kept interrupting because I make funny faces when he cuts me off. I could only manage to say I’m glad he enjoyed himself, but now I had to go.
Honesty
The girl was surprisingly upfront. She said she works two six-hour days a week but finds it "exhausting" and only dates because her parents want her to have a boyfriend to move in with.
I was honest too and told her that as a junior IT specialist, I doubted she’d want to move into my little suburban apartment…
Who’s the cripple?
I wear a metal spiral knee brace because of a skiing accident that left my ligaments weak. The guy only noticed when we sat down and my skirt rode up. He asked if I’d heal or have to wear it forever because he “doesn’t want to date a disabled person.”
Fun
I asked the girl about her hobbies, and she said, “I watch Netflix and chat with guys.” She was the first girl I ever ghosted.
Doesn’t matter
The girl was forty minutes late and said, “I know I’m late, but it doesn’t matter because I’m here now.”
I should have walked away then, but I really left when she explained she still lives with her ex, with whom she has nothing, but asked me not to text him after 6 p.m.
In good times
When I told her I’m a psychologist, she asked if I work with a lot of “depressed” people (air quotes included).
I said yes, and she said only those who are bored in good times are truly depressed—and no one will ever convince her otherwise.
