Research shows that 73% of wives lose their desire for sex, but why?
The Gottman Institute studied 3,000 couples over decades, and 73% of women admitted they no longer desire their husbands.
Romance
Talking with my girlfriends over 40, I realized way more couples live like roommates than I thought. For me, I don’t have sex with my husband because romance disappeared from our relationship ages ago. And honestly, without it, I have zero desire to cuddle up with him. Why would I want to be tender with someone who never says a kind word to me?!
Intoxicated
In the past four years, my husband and I have had sex exactly three times. Once we came home drunk from a wedding, once I came home tipsy and excited from a reunion, and the third time was when his favorite soccer team won a championship. For a few days, he was so cheerful and kind, it was like he’d been replaced. It’s sad that we only touch when we’re intoxicated, but that’s how it is. On regular days, we barely connect.
Quality
I don’t have sex with him because it’s never been good. He’s quick and selfish in bed, so I just take care of myself while thinking of Pierce Brosnan, and that’s it.
The kid
I don’t desire my husband anymore because he’s basically become like another child. I feed him, cook, wash, iron his clothes, and prepare his outfits like I do for the kids. I tell him not to chew loudly or shuffle around, and I scold him if he doesn’t take out the trash—which is his only household chore. I even handle the car, taking it to the shop for oil or tire changes because somehow that’s fallen on me too. I can’t see him as a man anymore when he acts like a third child alongside my son and daughter.
The secret helper
We haven’t had sex in years, and recently my husband freaked out when he found my little secret toy. He was shocked to discover I have a vibrator. He thought I didn’t desire sex at all and felt deeply hurt because it showed that it’s not sex I avoid, just sex with him. I told him if he took me out to dinner sometimes, brought flowers, or made any small thoughtful gestures, maybe he’d be the source of my pleasure—not the vibrator. He’s still sulking and hasn’t understood a thing I said.
Support
If my partner helped even a little with the household and kids, instead of me doing everything, maybe I’d have the energy to be close again.
The body
My husband and I both used to be serious athletes, but after we stopped competing, he gained a lot of weight. I still work out regularly, where former fit male competitors flirt with me daily, then I go home to my dear husband whose huge belly nearly reaches his knees. I don’t just avoid sex because I’ve lost desire; I’m angry at how someone can let themselves go so much. His weight now seriously threatens his health. Honestly, I’m afraid to get close because I worry his heart might stop during sex!
Invisible wounds
We’ve fought so much over the years, and his words have left deep wounds on my soul. I get chills just from his touch. Once my younger daughter leaves for college, I’m filing for divorce. Until then, I’m just holding on. Only three more years and I’ll be free.
In transition
I started menopause early at 39, which sadly killed my passion. This isn’t my husband’s fault—I simply have zero libido. He hasn’t pressured me for years, and I’m grateful for that. Maybe he’s finding satisfaction elsewhere, but honestly, I don’t care as long as he leaves me alone.
Was, now isn’t
My marriage is sex-free because I don’t desire sex—not just with my husband, but with anyone. I was never a big bedroom acrobat, and now I have no desire at all, even though I’m not yet in menopause. I don’t know why, but talking with women my age, I’m not alone. Honestly, I’m fine with it this way.
