Alone
I’m 42 and have never been in a traditional relationship, even though I had two long-term ones. One lasted 12 years with a man who was married — he never divorced because of their shared business and kids — so I was just the "other woman." We met twice a week and even traveled together a few times when I joined him on business trips.
He loved me in his own way: he was gentle, remembered my birthday, and took me out for dinner the day after Valentine’s Day. But after 12 years, I told him I wanted more. I didn’t find anyone for years, then had a "friends with benefits" relationship with a colleague for six years. Since then, I’ve been single and I’m no longer chasing commitment.
Better this way
Since I stopped being in a relationship, I’m much happier. No fights, no hurt feelings — solitude has worked wonders for my mental health. Honestly, I don’t know if there’s even a man out there who could convince me to date him.
Princes on white horses
I’m a hopeless romantic, so I believe there are still princes out there. But we have to kiss so many frogs to find one that I don’t blame women for giving up. I haven’t given up yet, but I feel like I won’t last much longer.
The situation
My colleague in her twenties has only had "situationships" her whole life. I learned that a "situationship" isn’t the same as friends with benefits — the latter is just about sex, while the former has some feelings but no exclusivity, so both can see others (usually the man). I don’t get why they don’t just date if there’s emotion and sex, but my poor colleague says guys don’t want commitment. It’s not that she wants less, but men won’t give more.
Celibacy
I’ve had so many bad experiences that I gave up on relationships and have been celibate for seven years.
The options
After my divorce, I was ready for a new relationship but realized the world changed so much during my marriage that now you have to look hard to find a decent man who wants a committed relationship. Tinder and other dating apps offer men endless options, so why settle with one woman when they can swipe and find many others offering dinner, affection, and sex? When I was younger, a man had to bring flowers and court a woman to get into her bed. Now, a right swipe is enough. It’s deeply discouraging, but I accepted it and decided I won’t join this hopeless race—I’d rather stay single.
Easy prey
Many might disagree, but I hold women responsible for this unfortunate situation in modern dating. Women give themselves away too easily and don’t make men work for anything. Several of my friends sleep with someone on the first date, which is a big mistake! How can we expect men to put in effort when sex comes without it? Until women realize this, step back, and use their collective power, nothing will change, and the decent, devoted man will remain a unicorn.
Disillusioned
I recognized what others have been saying and "outsmarted" the system by making myself hard to get. I didn’t sleep with men until after several dates. Some gave up quickly, but most awakened their hunter instinct and fought for me. I believed every man secretly wants one woman to love, and it worked for a while. But access to endless options was stronger: every time, my partner cheated or was back on Tinder. After the third time, I was so disillusioned I stopped dating. I don’t know if I could trust anyone anymore.
The age group
I realized that the well-off, attractive men in my age group (over 40) don’t want to date divorced women in their forties—they prefer fresh, vibrant singles in their thirties. I accepted that I can’t compete with that demographic.
Feminism
Modern feminism brought us here. Free love, when women started "owning their sexuality" and now sleep with whoever they want. I never thought I’d miss the traditional setup despite my progressive mindset, but here we are—because feminism has mostly benefited men so far, while women have faced challenges.
