"I never do the dishes afterwards" – We asked women where they draw the line in their relationships.
Dreams
I won’t give up my dreams for him. Back in college, I passed up a chance to study abroad because I was in love—and it ended with him cheating on me. That’s when I promised myself that someone who truly loves me won’t expect me to put my life on hold. Recently, I applied for a job in Japan, and my partner knows about it. If I get it, he can decide whether to come with me or say goodbye—I’m not stressing about it.
Doing the Dishes
I don’t do his dishes. My ex-mother-in-law warned me not to wash up after her son because he’d start taking it for granted and eventually expect it. I was a naive newlywed back then and didn’t listen—something I later regretted. She was right. Since then, I haven’t washed up after any man and won’t. I learned my lesson and now I tell every woman the same.
Quickie
I don’t give him my body just because he’s horny. If he wants me, he needs to take the time to set the mood—I’m not his sex toy.
No Tolerance
I don’t tolerate even the slightest sign of disrespect. There was a time I’d excuse rude behavior (he’s tired, stressed, etc.), but after turning 30, I’m done with that. My last ex spoke to me rudely at our engagement dinner, and I immediately demanded an apology. I didn’t care about ruining the event or the presence of family. You can’t let this slide; it needs to be stopped right away or it only gets worse. He said I was overreacting, so I apologized to everyone and left the restaurant. No wedding happened—and I’m glad.
Appearance
I won’t grow my hair out just because he prefers it longer, and I’m not throwing away my red dress because he thinks it’s too revealing. Simply put, I won’t change my look to fit his taste.
Dad
I make sure he remembers our kids have a dad, who’s just as involved as I am. He can change diapers, put them to sleep, attend parent meetings, make breakfast, and check homework just like me. Sometimes I have to remind him, but I insist he does his share because it pains me how many men barely help with childcare.
The Cook
I don’t cook for him. My husband is a great cook—maybe even better than me. Early on, he often made my favorite dishes, but after a year, he started demanding to know where dinner was. I told him we both work, so why should cooking be only my job? Maybe because I’m a woman, huh? Now I cook only on weekends—and only what I like. The rest of the week, he figures out his own meals.
Recreation
I don’t give up my friends or hobbies. I go to book club twice a week, raft whitewater in summer, and meet friends every Friday. These are sacred and non-negotiable. If he wants to join, great—but on those days, I’m not available for anything else, and he has to accept that.
With Intellect
I don’t pretend to be less smart or knowledgeable just to boost his ego. Surprisingly, many men expect this from women, but I only admire someone who truly blows me away.
The Duty
With every partner I’ve had, I always did the dishes afterwards. Even when we didn’t live together, and even when I hadn’t contributed to the dirty dishes. If I was at my boyfriend’s place and there were dirty dishes in the sink, I’d automatically start washing them like a robot or trained animal. It felt like my duty. After a few disappointments, I realized, what am I doing? Am I crazy? What have they done for me? Nothing—maybe only changed my winter tires after weeks of promises and begging. Now I’m enlightened: a gentleman can wash dishes just as well as I can. I’ve been with my boyfriend for two years, I love him, but I never do the dishes after him.
