We asked women online what’s new when you cross into your thirties.
The Power of Saying "No"
I’m saying no to more things these days, and it feels amazing. Annoying aunt’s birthday? Sorry, I can’t make it. Hypocritical coworker’s baby shower? Unfortunately, I won’t be there. The unbearable brother-in-law’s anniversary dinner? Something came up. And guess what? The world doesn’t end, life goes on.
Worries
At 25, my friends and I worried about how we looked. Now, existential anxiety has taken over. We stress about our future: will we get that promotion, how much will the raise be, how long will we pay off the loan, how much can we save, and what life will look like in retirement. Fun times! (Not really.)
Enough
Just recently, my friends and I talked about finally setting clear boundaries at this age and not letting anyone cross them. I told my mom straight up I’m done with her little snide remarks — which I’ve tolerated for 35 years — and if she can’t hold back, I won’t visit.
My sister politely but firmly asked our uncle at Christmas not to hug her while drunk. My friend Zsuzska told her boss not to call on weekends. Berni smiled and warned her husband at a dinner with friends that if he cracks another joke at her expense, she’ll fire back — and it won’t be pretty. I cheered silently for Berni! I love witnessing when a woman finally stands up for herself.
Dating
I expect more from relationships than before. It’s no longer enough that someone looks good or is “cool.” Now I look at what they can offer long-term and if we truly work as partners. When I date someone, the stakes feel higher.
Recovery
Hello gray hairs and goodbye elastic skin! I don’t feel my age, but my body sure does — it takes twice as long to bounce back from anything. Hangovers, stomach bugs, sore muscles: they now torment me for days, and wounds heal slower. When my cat scratched me playing, the mark disappeared in two days before; now it lasts a week and even leaves a scar. It’s part of aging, but I’ve accepted it because it only gets tougher. Not pessimism — just preparation.
Speaking Up
That shy little bunny I used to be is long gone after 30. I’m surprised at how ready I am to stand my ground in arguments. Life has taught me that things only move forward when I open my mouth — pardon my French.
Quality Over Quantity
You don’t need tons of shoes, bags, or friends. It’s okay to have fewer, as long as they’re quality.
Nagging
If you’re single at this age, everyone pesters you about when you’ll have a boyfriend. If you have one, it’s about when you’ll get engaged. Then the wedding. Then when the baby will come. Once you have a kid, it’s when the second one arrives. And if there’s a second, why stop at two? The point is, you never get a moment’s peace.
Confidence
The best thing about my age is knowing who I am and what I want. I care less and less about what others think. In my twenties, I’d put on makeup even to take out the trash; now I’ll run to the store messy-haired in sweatpants. I used to bake until midnight for family parties to avoid criticism; now I just pop into the bakery and grab some pastries. I don’t care what the stay-at-home moms with big families think — after a ten-hour workday, I’m not baking. At work, I don’t babysit the awkward intern or do his tasks; I tell him to get it together. It’s liberating to decide not to care about others’ opinions anymore.
Body Image
I used to lament how much better my body was in my twenties and how easy it was to maintain. If I gained a few pounds, skipping two dinners flattened my stomach again — but that’s not the case after 30. My mom warned me to appreciate how I look now, because over 40, I’ll look back at my current body with the same nostalgic longing I now have for my twenty-something shape. She was right, so I made peace with my body.
