What’s the most petty thing you’ve done after a breakup? Here are some stories where the revenge was small but oh-so-sweet.
Unknowingly
My ex had a bunch of canned goods in the pantry, so I peeled off all the labels and mixed them up. For a whole year, he had no idea what he was opening.
The Last Little Annoyance
My ex couldn’t stand spotted mirrors and compulsively cleaned them with spray. When he broke up with me, and after crying, I went to wash my face in his bathroom one last time and splash-sprayed his mirror with soapy water. That was my farewell gift.
The Bar
I poured out all his special vodkas and filled the bottles with water, and replaced the rare whiskeys with cola diluted with water. I also took off all the oven knobs and tossed them in the bedding box, and put the TV remote in the oven because I knew he never used it. A year later, we ran into each other, and he told me he really had to order new ones.
The Penalty
This happened back when we still rented videos. My ex broke up with me over the phone and told me to move out before he got home. I packed my stuff and saw three rented videotapes (he always rented three at a time). I pulled the films out of the cases and put the empty cases back. When he returned them, he had to pay a hefty fine for damage at the rental store.
Light It Up
I took the thermostat off the wall, piled all his single shoes on the cabinet, and partially unscrewed every light bulb. He was short and didn’t have a ladder, so I knew it would be a pain to screw them back in.
Evening Tunes
I cut all his socks at the big toe, rolled them up, and put them back in the drawer. I also released every cricket I’d caught as food for his pet spider around the apartment—about thirty of them. He definitely didn’t sleep that night because of the chirping.
Tooth for a Tooth
I was 65 and my husband 73 when we divorced. The process was underway, but we still lived together. One early morning, while packing my last things after finally finding a place, I saw my husband’s dentures on the sink edge. On a whim, I threw them in the freezer, so he couldn’t show up anywhere until he got new ones made. He accused me of "stealing his teeth," and I told him he’d been misplacing them around the apartment for years and I always put them back in the glass in the morning. When he asked where to look, I suggested checking the oven, freezer, or washing machine because those were his usual hiding spots. Later, my daughter told me he even booked a CT scan and EEG, worried he might be losing his mind.
Lingering Smell
I cleaned my dog’s teeth with my ex’s toothbrush and put it back in the holder, then squeezed tuna spread onto the curtain rod. I heard from his friends that he tore down half the drywall trying to find the source of the smell.
The Floor
My ex and I lived together in his apartment, splitting all expenses. When he broke up with me, I took a chair from the dining room, squeezed half the toothpaste tube out, and tore up the floorboards in half the room because we paid for everything together.
