I remember being pregnant with our second child when we had a minor car accident. Instead of the expected comforting words from relatives, some offered these hospital remarks: "They had to travel abroad to get into an accident... serves them right, maybe they'll learn something!" That bitter mix of malice and envy still lingers in my mouth whenever I recall the story.
Do I swallow it or spit it out? That question always hangs in the air. Even worse is mourning a loved one by doubting the survival of a grumpy, lonely neighbor, as if babies were accidentally swapped in the maternity ward—only upside down. It’s a chilling, low form of grief that taints the sacredness of farewell with acid.
Meticulous and Competitive Envy
Then there are the meticulous envyers, who watch the envied person’s failures like hungry vultures. Once something goes wrong, they unleash perfected, scathing speeches night after night on anyone who crosses their path. They usually start with a neatly wrapped, satin-ribboned "Did you hear what happened?"—a signal for their smear campaign to begin.
Meanwhile, with spiteful hisses and quick glances from the corner of their eyes, they check if their audience is ready to join the bashing.
When envying another’s success or achievements, the envier actually directs the negative "word magic" meant for others against themselves (or rather a word pyre, since they’re burning inside... By the way, how expressive language is: "I’m digesting it" / "I’m eating it up" / "I’m chewing on it," meaning I’m angry, etc.).
But who hasn’t felt envy sprout like a stubborn weed at least once in life? Usually when our own self-work fades. "Envy is a nasty thing!" we sternly tell our little one clutching their teddy bear, while biting our lip in frustration looking at a brand-new handbag someone else owns, sometimes muttering under our breath.
Envy: The Shape-Shifting Mythical Creature...
(Let’s play with this idea!)
I’d place envy among the mythical main characters of my childhood stories. First, I’d capitalize it, imagining it as a person. Second, I’d classify it under cryptozoology—the study of creatures whose existence isn’t proven but are chased by researchers based on rumors. Like the mysterious Himalayan Yeti or the aquatic dragon called Leviathan in many places. In my view, Envy is a sticky-handed, shape-shifting mythical being who, unlike the Satyr who hides behind bushes stalking his next victim—preferably an unsuspecting young girl—has no intention of hiding. Instead, it theatrically poses in fancy malls, sunlit walkways, and glittering ballrooms, dressed in a dark blue tailcoat with a flashy quiff and a provocative smirk glued to its face. It singles out the sneerers, the grimacers, the pouters, the lightning-eyed, the whisperers, the gigglers, the touchy, the withdrawn wallflowers. Then it invites them to dance while stepping on their sensitive calluses, and with a tearful gesture, steals the dignity, self-awareness, kindness, and selflessness temporarily stuffed in their pockets or purses. It skillfully directs a few scenes of the Dissatisfied—with themselves, the world, the flower seller, and the dog Bodri—and when complaints and grumbles lie moldy and torn on the ground, it simply takes off.
Encountering Envy—Effects and Symptoms:
- Aging faster than usual (worrying, wearing out)...
- Feeling anger and rage even at successes that don’t interest them, and which they lack the skills, time, or energy to achieve; yet this “infection” makes noticing any small success of others unbearable
- Feigning sympathy when someone suffers a loss, fails a competition, or faces ruin, then celebrating at home with champagne
- Turning others’ (especially rivals’) troubles, failures, and setbacks into a delicacy they savor for days
Psychology considers envy and jealousy among the most common and oldest emotions. Both are closely linked to aggression (envyers and jealous people often feel aggressive impulses toward the envied). Ever heard of the "whose kid is smarter?" competition? It can be painfully unfair, often reflecting a parent’s ego wrapped in fancy packaging. Meanwhile, the “successful” child fights tooth and nail to meet expectations, winning one achievement after another but forgetting how to be a kid. This can lead to constant feelings of lack and many unbearable emotions. Aggression fuels the energy behind competition.
Upward Envy Can Actually Be a Win...
There’s also a positive form of envy, which can be seen as veiled admiration or a kind of self-suggestion. We call this upward envy, where people openly say, "I envy you." This usually happens toward those who share our values and interests, but whose achievements make us realize there’s still room to grow.
That’s when we raise the bar higher and set others’ successes as our own goals.
Envy is a shape-shifter because it knows our sensitive spots—fame, recognition, being the best in many areas of life. If it can’t trap us by hitting one sore spot—and it’s persistent, never giving up—it patiently probes the next, and then the next... It might flash when seeing a young couple’s joyful embrace; wrapped in sadness while watching their effortless happiness, sighing: why not me? Thanks to its shape-shifting power, it can take many forms and feelings, but it always comes with hidden motives, convincing us that "the grass is always greener on the other side. It is now, can’t you see? Doesn’t it annoy you?" Shall we let it be?
