Respect
There are four things you must respect: your buddy’s home, his parents, his girlfriend, and—most importantly—his car. Under no circumstances do you get involved with his mother or sister; a stepmother might be okay, but only if your buddy really dislikes her.
Transparency
If your buddy asks your honest opinion about his new girl, be straight with him. If you don’t like her, say so. But never say she’s so great you wouldn’t kick her out of bed. Never—repeat: never!—go after your buddy’s ex without his permission. If he says no, she’s off-limits. Also, don’t let your bro tattoo his girlfriend’s name on himself.
Dating
The "grenade" is the unattractive girl who’s friends with the hot girl. If my buddy wants to go after the hot girl, I have to take on the grenade so he can focus on the hot one. If I’m interested in someone with a grenade nearby, it’s their duty to take the grenade. Every man must give the best advice and support when his buddy is trying to pick up a girl. You can tease each other privately, but in front of the girl, you’re obligated to praise and hype your bro like a superhero.
No Shame
Never embarrass your buddy. Not if he slips and falls in a funny way, and not if he brings home the heaviest girl from the party. You’re friends so you always have a good excuse for any awkward moment.
"No worries you brought home the whale, bro—you were totally wasted!"
Drinks
Drunkenness is a valid excuse for anything. Did your buddy insult you or vice versa? If you’d been drinking, it doesn’t count—always forgive each other. Did your buddy do something ridiculously dumb while drunk? Doesn’t matter, he was wasted. We cut each other slack when we’re tipsy. The only two things a drunk bro can’t do: drive or contact his ex. No calls, no texts. If needed, you take his phone and hold onto it until he’s sober.
The Bodyguard
If your buddy passes out, don’t leave him alone—look after him and get him home. If he’s not present or coherent, you’re also responsible for his girlfriend’s safety. It’s on you to make sure they both get home safe. The next day, if your buddy asks, you have to honestly share what happened—even the awkward parts.
Naked
Never check each other out. Even if you’re changing together, don’t look “down there.” When talking about sex, keep it simple—good or bad—and don’t go into details because no one wants to picture their bro naked. One more thing: never apply sunscreen on each other’s backs. Instead, cover what you can reach and man up if you get sunburned in the spots you miss.
Money
If your buddy is broke, you pay. A bro should never be hungry, thirsty, or homeless.
Clean Slate
We forgive everything and expect the same from our bros. Friendship lasts a lifetime. We’re men who forget fast; no grudges. Except if he hooks up with your girl or ex without your okay. Then a fight and permanent grudge are justified.
Fighting
Sometimes words run out and disagreements turn physical, but we never punch or kick each other in the balls. Whether joking or serious, attacking the family jewels is strictly forbidden by the Bro Code.
