Let’s Start with Dad
Your Imago is the type of man you’re subconsciously and deeply attracted to, even if you’re not fully aware of what’s happening behind the scenes. Your Imago is shaped by none other than your father and the feelings you associate with him. From birth, our parents are the ones we bond with most, who shape our personality, and play a huge role in who we become and the partner we choose.
When we meet someone with a personality like our dad’s, we can’t help but start to feel connected.
We connect because we recognize the person who, ideally, provided safety, or in tougher cases, was a source of harm. Many psychological studies have explored why some women are drawn to and cling to “bad boys” who have hurt them physically and emotionally multiple times.
These studies often trace back to childhood, revealing that for some, abuse became their comfort zone early on. It’s hard to believe, but they linked love with violence because no matter what kind of parent they had, children spend their whole lives seeking their love, even into adulthood.
These women repeatedly chose men who also hurt them. Being in a relationship where they were truly valued and loved felt completely foreign.
It’s not uncommon during ongoing abuse for women to be asked why they keep taking back someone who has hurt them so many times. The answer is simpler than you might think.
These women truly love their abuser and can’t imagine being in any other kind of relationship.
Sadly, many women in this situation don’t revisit their past to seek answers. Healing old wounds can be a powerful step toward recovery.
When No One Measures Up to Dad
Sometimes, a daughter and father share such a strong bond that later, no suitor seems good enough to match up to dad. But even here, the picture isn’t completely clear. Usually, dad is a strong, masculine figure who inspires admiration, maybe spoils his little girl, and is successful in his work—filling the role of family leader.
As these girls grow up, they may look for that same admiration in their romantic relationships. This can block true intimacy or the chance for two equals to share a partnership.
The reason? These women need their partner to strive for perfection.
This often comes from having once seen their father as a godlike figure, linking that image with masculinity. They might overlook a sensitive, emotional man who values vulnerability in a relationship more than perfection.
Imago vs. True Partner
It’s perfectly fine to seek someone who shares your parents’ values, especially if you were showered with love growing up. Emotionally, though, you become whole when you choose a partner who truly fits you, not just based on old patterns. This requires self-awareness and seeing your parents as whole people.
Not as perfect or flawed, just human—hopefully doing their best. You’ll know you’ve moved on from your Imago when you start noticing men you never saw before. They might open a whole new world for you—and help you discover a new side of yourself.
