An Unlikely Pair
I woke up to find my drunk dad playing video games in the living room at 3 a.m. — with the equally drunk pizza delivery guy.
Late-Night Snack
I’d been vegetarian for years, then after a wild night out, I woke up on the floor next to my dog at dawn. I had a spoon in hand and an open can of dog food beside me. There were dog food crumbs on the floor, on my shirt, and around my mouth. I panicked at first, then cleaned up, went to the nearest McDonald’s, grabbed a double bacon burger, and that’s how my vegetarian days ended.
Encouragement
I was high and so out of it when I got home that I couldn’t open the door and ended up falling asleep on the lawn. I woke up to my little brother laughing as he spray-painted an outline around me like I was a crime scene, while my mom cheered from the balcony and my dad grinned, snapping photos.
Far From Home
I went with a friend to my brother’s bachelor party at home and woke up in a Paris metro underpass with zero memory of how I got there.
Bursting In
I woke up to someone pounding on my door. I shuffled out, opened it, and an unknown woman lunged at me. We wrestled on the floor until I got the upper hand. Turns out she’d knocked on the wrong door, thinking I was the one her boyfriend was cheating with. I ended up making her coffee and comforting her as she tearfully told me how much she loved the “good-for-nothing, cheating jerk.”
The Pocket
After a party, I woke up to find a dead bird in the pocket of my hoodie. At first, I didn’t know what it was and poked it a bit. My scream woke up the whole neighborhood.
The Bed
My sister invited a few friends over, and I went to bed early. The last thing I remember is getting up to pee and accepting a drink because I was thirsty. I woke up to a completely naked girl sleeping in my bed while I was fully dressed—wearing four T-shirts (three weren’t even mine), jeans, a lace thong over them, two mismatched pairs of socks, and an ankle bracelet. (I’m a guy.)
The Teacher
After our 20-year high school reunion, I woke up to find the math teacher (only a few years older than us) making out on the couch with a former classmate who’s a mom of three and a business owner, while the 56-year-old Hungarian teacher was puking drunk in the bathroom. I thought what a weird crowd and why anyone drinks if they can’t handle it. Then I found a photo series on my phone showing me dancing with the homeroom teacher wearing just a bra.
Gorilla
After a Halloween party, I woke up to rhythmic thumps. A sleepwalking girl I didn’t know, dressed as a gorilla, kept banging her head against the wardrobe over and over. It scared me so much I thought she was a zombie.
Party
I woke up kneeling on the floor with my upper body resting on a chair. I was in an unfamiliar, empty room and had no idea where I was. I washed up in the bathroom, and when I left the building, I realized it was a dorm on the other side of town. No clue how I got there. The next day, a friend showed me some photos on Facebook taken by someone we knew. They showed me napping on my knees surrounded by strangers holding a sign above me that read: “Who’s this kid?!”
Cover photo: Rawpixel/istockphoto.com
