The fate of aging narcissists is never a pretty sight. What happens when a narcissist grows old and their beauty and youth no longer trap their victims?
The True Self
As they age, narcissists reveal their true faces. Everyone knows that over time, looks fade and all that remains is personality. Those with beautiful souls stay beautiful in old age, but this isn’t true for narcissists. Nothing about them is beautiful, so they can’t charm people like they used to—the “supply” dries up. And without someone to torment, they wither away. They become even crueler versions of themselves because the mask of attractiveness that once hid their true nature is gone.
Desperately
There’s nothing sadder than a struggling narcissist. I once had a boyfriend who was handsome when young, which attracted women. I couldn’t resist him either, but life with him was hell. He tormented me for two years before I finally broke free—not because I found the strength to leave, but because he found a fresh victim and discarded me like a worn-out toy. Like he’d done his job well, leaving me emotionally shattered.
Years later, I met the woman who came after me, and we became friends. It was almost therapeutic to talk about how blind we were and how this man manipulated us. Now, both of us live happily married with children, while the ex remains alone. So alone, in fact, that we laugh when he occasionally messages either of us, asking to meet, "start over, and give us another chance" or "try again." I imagine he messages all his exes, but he’s still alone, with no one. We agreed there are few sadder sights than that.
In Awe
My friend Zsani was a true narcissistic femme fatale in her youth, but now, in her 40s, she’s the only one in our friend group who feels lost in life. Some of us are married, some happily single; some have many kids, others none—but everyone else is doing well, except her.
Zsani is still attractive and goes on dates, but she can’t understand why she can’t treat others the way she used to. It frustrates her that men walk away at the first sign of her sharp remarks or little power plays. But Zsani’s life was all about putting others down. Without that, she’s just a bitter, angry middle-aged woman—and it’s killing her.
The Laughingstock
One of my friends is a narcissist, and it’s painfully funny how he doesn’t realize that as he ages, he can’t get away with things he did when he was young. For example, at a recent wedding, he started his usual snarky flirting with two younger women. It worked for him back then, but now, the women just looked at him with disgust and walked away, while the rest of us cracked up at the whole scene. He just can’t grasp why being rude to women no longer makes them swoon.
Armand
Armand was 47 when I met him, but even past 50, he was a charming silver fox. Back then, I had no idea what narcissistic personality disorder was—I learned the hard way. After three years together, I needed almost as much therapy to rebuild my confidence and realize the problem wasn’t me, but him.
Armand is now over 60 and struggles with the fact that women no longer flock to him. I know this because for years he’s only posted solo selfies on social media. He used to appear with a current partner or friends, but now he’s alone. He sends me messages like, “You know I still love you, I miss you, I think about you a lot,” and it’s honestly ridiculous…
