The line is secrecy, not feeling
If I had one thing to offer, it would be this: watch for the moment the thing becomes hidden. Deleting a message. Not mentioning that you had lunch. Finding reasons to be in the same place and describing them to yourself as coincidence. Secrecy is the mechanism that turns a passing attraction into something with momentum, because it creates a private world and private worlds are intoxicating.
You can usually feel the shift. The specific test I trust is this: would you be comfortable if your partner read this exchange over your shoulder, not because they would be flattered, but because there is nothing in it you have been enjoying keeping? If the honest answer is no, you do not have a feelings problem, you have a behaviour problem — and behaviour is the part you can change today, without having to resolve anything about your heart.
What actually helps
Reduce the conditions. Crushes feed on repetition and proximity, so take the small practical steps: stop messaging late at night, move the coffee to a group, do not be the person who stays behind after the meeting. This is not dramatic self-denial; it is the equivalent of not keeping biscuits in the house when you are trying not to eat biscuits.
Then look at what the crush is actually telling you. Very often it is not about the other person at all. It is about wanting to feel noticed, or funny, or competent, or desired in a way that has gone quiet at home because you are both exhausted and operating like a logistics company. Naming that need is far more useful than analysing the stranger. Where could you get more of that feeling inside your own life — in the relationship, yes, but also in work you enjoy, friendship, something you are good at?
