Sometimes an ex ends up alone and eventually realizes no one wants them.
The Willow Poet
He broke up with me, saying, “You’re too much trouble.” The “trouble” was that I occasionally pointed out he suspiciously worked late nights and even took his phone into the shower. In six months, he dated three different girls, then called me wanting to come back because “all women are stupid.” I told him I wasn’t interested and blocked him everywhere. That’s when he started bombarding me with poems by email. The guy who’d spent years telling me only gay men write poems suddenly turned poet, thinking that’d win me back…
The Confession
My ex showed up at the restaurant where we were celebrating my parents’ anniversary and said if I didn’t take her back, she’d kill herself. When the waiters escorted her out, she grabbed a butter knife from the table and tried to cut her wrists. Half the restaurant laughed at her as she was thrown out.
The Scene
Dead drunk, she crashed my wedding party and caused a scene. She ended up crying on my fiancé’s shoulder for half an hour until her family, whom I called, came to get her.
The Lucky One
Kitti loved to brag about how lucky I was because “men lined up for me.” She regularly flirted with others right in front of me, and when I called her out, she put me down for having low self-esteem. We broke up after I asked her to behave at a friend’s wedding because she was acting so crude the guests were giving me weird looks. She said she didn’t need a “babysitter” and moved out the next day. Soon after, she plastered her Instagram with pics of her new buff boyfriend with the caption: “Finally treated like a queen.” A few months later, their photos disappeared, and one night she showed up crying. She told me he was “pathologically jealous” and slapped her for flirting with someone else, so she left him and WANTED to start over with me. I told her queens don’t go back to jerks and shut the door.
The Videos
After the breakup, she posted TikTok videos for months, either crying over me or calling me all kinds of nasty names.
Amen
Áron cheated on me, blamed me, and as a parting shot said I’d never find a man like him. He was right—because I found a caring, kind, and loyal guy instead. Six months later, Áron surprised me with a handwritten letter claiming he’d changed and that his past cheating was due to his parents’ divorce, so it was my duty (!) to give him another chance. (I didn’t.)
Enlightenment
My ex left me for a more muscular guy, who was then followed by about five other similar macho types. Two years later, he reached out to say I was the only one who ever truly loved him and he wanted me back. I didn’t reply, and the next day he posted: “If you find someone who sees into your soul, don’t leave them for an alpha male—those only want your body!” His post got hundreds of likes, and for some reason, he thought it would move me…
Excitement
My girlfriend told me I was boring and left me for a coworker covered in tattoos who had a motorcycle and called her “baby.” (I guess that was “exciting.”) The thrill lasted six weeks before she decided to come back, but I wasn’t interested. When I stopped answering her calls, she phoned my workplace and sobbed for twenty minutes to my 60-year-old boss, then asked him to pass along this message: “Now I know you weren’t boring—you were patient!”
Terminal Illness
Ricsi left me six weeks before our wedding, then a year later showed up claiming he had terminal cancer and begged for another chance. He even sent a photo of himself lying in a hospital bed. The next day, his mother messaged me to warn not to believe him—he was just visiting his grandfather in the hospital. Still, Ricsi kept texting me for two more years about his radiation treatments.
Why?
He called to ask why he can’t find a date on Tinder. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry, so I asked how much time he had—I could list the reasons until evening.
