The word "lover" usually comes with shame, but not every woman feels that way.
At Peace
People expect guilt and regret when they learn someone was in a lover status. What no one expects is honesty, and I don’t regret how it happened. It wasn’t ideal – he was only mine for a few hours each week – but I don’t regret it. He suffered in a cold marriage he couldn’t leave, for all the usual reasons: shared mortgage, three kids, you know the story... And I had been alone and without anyone for years. When we first met and looked at each other, the outside world seemed to disappear. It felt like fate.
We tried to resist for almost a month, but it was impossible. There were moments I thought I’d die, but I’m grateful I got to experience such love. Maybe it was my first “relationship” where I knew my partner loved me with his whole heart. It lasted two years, then I took a job abroad to start fresh. If I hadn’t left, I don’t think I could’ve let him go—and that wouldn’t have been good for either of us in the long run.
Who is this woman?!
I was that woman. I’m not saying what happened was right. Nor that it was harmless, because everyone got hurt in the end. Still, I don’t regret it, because I learned things I never would have without this affair. Today I know love isn’t just black and white—it lives in the gray areas too. You can feel all-consuming emotions even when you have to keep everything secret. And you can accept that the other person will never truly be yours, and it’s up to you to be strong enough to end it when the time comes.
The Fairytale
No little girl dreams of becoming a lover. It wasn’t my wish either—in fact, I deeply judged women who "steal married men’s hearts." I thought it was a disgusting betrayal against other women. And yes, some women do it for sport, just for the thrill of the chase, but I wasn’t one of them. It didn’t start with betrayal, but with conversations. Finally, someone sees you and understands you as you understand them. The man says he’s married, but the relationship is complicated, and you believe him. Because you see he’s exhausted. And lonely. You tell yourself you didn’t come between them because the marriage was already dead.
You didn’t promise forever to anyone, so you’re not guilty. And if he wasn’t cheating on his wife with you, he’d cheat with someone else. Then the secret meetings begin. A lover only gets crumbs: a message a day at most, a few stolen hours of tenderness, lonely weekends, Christmas and Valentine’s Day. When you miss him but have no right to complain. You stay forever in the shadows, but you accept it because you love him. Because the feelings are real, the intimacy, the laughter, the connection—all real. When love comes, it doesn’t care if you’re a wife or a lover…
No Regrets
I don’t regret being a lover for years because I knew it wasn’t a fairytale. I knew he’d never be mine, and I understood it wouldn’t last forever. I don’t regret it because I learned the difference between someone who pays attention to you and someone who commits to you. Between choosing you in secret and standing by you openly. Men almost never divorce because of a lover. They make promises, stall time, then return to the safety of the home they built—it’s easier than change. The realization was sobering and painful, but thanks to it, I recognized my worth and now I can set emotional boundaries. And I will never settle for less than I deserve again.
