Women often talk through their heartbreak over a glass of wine, but what about men?
The Stages
Over a few months, I go through the five stages of grief: first, I can’t even believe what happened—that’s denial. Then comes deep frustration—that’s anger—and I try to win her back, which is bargaining. When that fails, I turn inward—that’s depression—and finally, I accept my fate, which is acceptance.
No Strings Attached
I download Tinder and see how many women I can bring home, or I go fishing—because fish have never let me down.
In Isolation
I hibernate. That means I ask to work from home and don’t go anywhere. I do my job, order food, watch movies, play video games, do some push-ups, and don’t talk to anyone. We men don’t share when our hearts are broken; we process emotions in our own way. Sometimes a week of hibernation is enough, other times even a month of isolation doesn’t lift the gloom.
No Rest
When I’m heartbroken, I can’t be alone with my thoughts, so I plan something every day. I go out for beers with friends, catch a movie, play PS at someone’s place, or call my family. My mom, aunt, and uncle actually enjoy this time because I help them with everything—carrying stuff to the attic, fixing the car, digging the garden, and more. I don’t give myself time to feel lonely or sad at home; I fill my calendar and crash exhausted every night.
The 50 Shades of Green
I head outdoors and let nature heal my soul. During this time, I hike every free minute, and I swear it’s better than any therapy.
Hardcore
I love rock music—it’s, in my opinion, the best remedy for emotional pain. When a woman breaks my heart into a thousand pieces, I blast my "heartbreak" playlist at full volume. Mostly rock or glam metal songs where singers scream over guitar solos about the cruel woman who crushed their soul. It reminds me that even the best (metalhead alpha males) get heartbroken, and the heavy music frees all my emotions. By the end of the playlist, my sadness is gone.
The Other Way Around
Girls are sad for a while, then quickly move on and happily live their lives. We guys first feel great—free, ready for dating, drinks, and wild parties—then it hits us that it’s really over, and we cry for weeks. Anyone who says otherwise is lying.
Stoicism
I was 22 when my fiancée left me out of the blue—my first serious breakup. I was shattered and cried in front of my parents. They just stared, then my dad said, "Pull yourself together, son," and I saw how awkward it was for my mom. Since then, no matter what happens, I don’t show emotion—I learned my lesson. In the last 15 years, if a woman dumped me, I was grumpy for a few days, then let it go.
The Body
My friends joke that even if nothing else, my physique benefits from breakups because I always hit the gym hard afterward. I literally work the pain out under the weights. All my personal records—bench press, weighted squats, everything—came after breakups. Iron is the best therapist.
The Workaholic
At times like this, I take on every overtime shift I can. If I’m already feeling awful, it doesn’t matter if I’m at work or elsewhere—at least I get paid. I ask coworkers if they want to hand off shifts, and they gratefully take time off while I work through my heartbreak.
