At the Speed of Light
Where I live, the 30 km/h (about 20 mph) speed limit is totally pointless and unnecessary. If I followed it, I’d lose hours of my life every year. So I have to "speed up," which means I’m usually driving at 45-50 km/h (28-31 mph) on the roads.
Ageless
My 15-year-old son loves my tractor, so I taught him how to drive it, and he uses it regularly on our farm. I did the same with his older brother, who at 16 was able to drive their grandmother to the hospital when she fell ill. Who knows how long the ambulance would have taken to get to the dirt road... So yes, I’m a repeat offender putting minors at risk – arrest me!
Mr. Sure Thing
Whenever a cop pulls me over, I always talk my way out of trouble. Maybe I forgot a document, or I was speeding, or I didn’t stop at a stop sign... I’m always caught red-handed, but somehow I get off every time. Being a woman isn’t easy, but this is one of the rare perks, so I have zero guilt.
Building
My neighbor wanted to build an outbuilding and expand his house. He applied for permits but got denied, so he sold his house and moved away. When my second child was born, we ran out of space too, but learning from his mistake, I didn’t ask for permission—I just added on to the house. No one minds, even though it’s basically illegal.
Movies
I download movies illegally several times a week. Sorry, but with ticket prices, popcorn, and nachos being so outrageously expensive, I’m just not willing to go to theaters anymore.
Posters and Tunes
For decorating my home and business, I download and print high-quality images from the internet without paying the artists. The same goes for music—I play tunes in my venue without buying the rights. If this business takes off and I get rich, I’ll pay retroactively.
Multiple Offenses
My boyfriend breaks the law every weekend: he watches live sports illegally. He says he won’t pay $80 for a cage fight or an American football game, so he streams it instead. I live with a notorious repeat offender. I’m about to ask him how much it’s worth to him that I don’t snitch.
Red Light
When I look around and see no cars coming, I regularly cross the street even if the light is red. I’ve tried to quit this criminal habit, but I just can’t—life’s too short.
The Dealer
I smoke a joint once a week, always just one, always on Saturday night—that’s my little weekly chill. I always buy extra because my friend does the same, so technically he pays me for the weed. I guess that makes me a dealer. Now that’s real crime!
Fare Dodging
I ride public transit for free. I have a ticket, but I ignore it when I see a ticket inspector coming. I refuse to buy a pass because I don’t think it’s justified. I don’t use public transport enough to need a pass, and my workplace—where I go twice a week—requires three transfers each way, meaning six tickets per visit. That’s absurd. No daily ticket either, just no—it doesn’t match the quality of my trips.
