The quiet crisis at home, aka men: these are the things women don’t say to you. The moment when she stops speaking but a cold war rages inside her soul.
I’d Rather Stay Silent
Everyone loves my husband because he’s understanding and kind. The kids come to him with their problems, and he always helps and calms them down. If any friend or relative asks for help, he never lets them down. If the neighbor needs something, he’s there—everyone counts on him. Except me. For some reason, his kindness doesn’t extend to me. When I tell him something’s bothering me, he doesn’t hear it. If I’m hurting, it’s drama. If I cry, it’s a tantrum. So I’d rather stay silent.
Together
When I ask to go somewhere, he’s tired, not in the mood, and says it’s a waste of money. But when his buddies invite him out, he jumps at the chance. The last time we had “quality time” alone was nine months ago on my birthday at a restaurant. The whole time, I heard how outrageously expensive an appetizer or a beer was. As soon as I finished the last bite of dessert, we headed home because he’d had enough. We were supposed to go somewhere afterward, but that never happened. Since then, I’ve quietly been planning my divorce.
What’s the Point…?
What can I say to someone who won’t hear me no matter what I say?! He comes home, kicks off his shoes, and drops his jacket. I’ve asked him 4,000 times to put his shoes under the bench and hang up his coat, but he never does. So I go and fix it myself. I’ve also asked 500 times to throw his laundry— which I wash, dry, iron, fold, and put away because he never thinks of doing it himself—into the hamper, not next to it. Every time, he tosses it beside. And there are a thousand other “little things” he ignores that make my days harder. My anger and resentment grow with every instance, but I don’t say anything anymore because it feels pointless.
Torn Apart
I don’t chat with my husband because I have neither the time nor the energy. After work, I rush to shop, carry everything home, and start my “second shift.” The kids come home; they need dinner, homework help, and prep for the next day. I plan the week: workouts, competitions, lessons, birthday parties, school events, doctor appointments, and more. On weekends, I’m in charge of activities and meals, plus tidying the house. My husband doesn’t help, so why bother talking to him about anything?
Mirroring
Four months ago, I got fed up with being the only one investing in our relationship—he did nothing—so I started living like him. I don’t plan joint activities but go out with my girlfriends. I only wash my own clothes and cook only what I like, ignoring him. I thought he’d notice and change, but nothing did. He takes his laundry to his mom’s and eats there too. At night, we don’t talk; everyone’s glued to their own laptop or the TV. I’m waiting to see when he’ll finally face me and say this can’t go on—but it hasn’t happened yet. Why doesn’t he realize? What is he waiting for? Or is this fine for him? I just don’t get it…
Not Anymore
I was afraid I’d become a nagging wife like my mom. Then I realized I already had. Now I understand why my mom constantly argued with my dad. She did everything, while he just coasted through the marriage. Just like my husband—and honestly, almost every husband I know. Since this realization, I don’t argue anymore; I quietly do what needs to be done. My husband is happy there’s “peace,” but he doesn’t realize I’ve emotionally checked out of our relationship.
