We know men tend to rely on their spouses more than the other way around, and some husbands are fully aware of this.
Replaced
It’s been 15 years since my divorce and six years since I remarried, but it was really tough to get over the fact that my first wife fell in love with someone else. (She’s still happy with him, and he makes her much happier than I ever did.) When she told me she wanted a divorce, it crushed my confidence for years. And even now, I’m terrified my current wife might say the same someday. Whenever she says, “I need to talk,” I panic.
The Manager
Last year, when my wife was hospitalized for a week, I realized how lost I am without her. I had no idea who my kids’ teachers were or what activities they attended. I didn’t know how to operate the washing machine or the induction stove. I couldn’t even remember what my kids usually eat for breakfast, snacks, or dinner, or which shampoo they use. I thought I was a hands-on dad, but I found out I know almost nothing about my family’s daily life and that I’m basically useless as a partner in our unit.
Invested
I’d lose it if something I’ve poured so much time and energy into fell apart. My pride just wouldn’t allow it.
The Role
I am the Husband and Father, capitalized. My role is the provider: protector whose job is to make sure my wife and kids have everything they need. If my wife left my life, I’d lose everything: my purpose, my identity, everything. What am I without them? Nothing.
Shame
I couldn’t even bear the thought that I wasn’t good enough for her. I’d be devastated. And the idea of starting dating again is terrifying—no way! I just hope my wife doesn’t sense how scared I am that she might leave me.
Solo
My social life is organized by my wife; I don’t have friends. If I want to go for a beer, my wife and sisters-in-law arrange it, and we hang out with my two brothers-in-law. The women even book the table, and often one of us gets a ride so we don’t have to take a taxi. I have no siblings, my parents have passed, so all my family ties are through my wife’s family. I’ve worked from home as an IT specialist for years and have no colleagues. Without my wife, I’d be completely alone. Honestly, I don’t have a life without her.
Sword of Damocles
My marriage isn’t working; we don’t fit. I see it, she sees it. I’ll never be the one to initiate a breakup, and I’m terrified of when she will. Because it will hurt terribly, even though I know it’s inevitable.
The Confidant
My wife is the only one I tell everything to. She knows me best; I literally have no secrets from her. I’m close to my dad, brother, and two best friends, but there are things a man just doesn’t share with other men. They might not judge me, but I don’t dare be as vulnerably honest with them as I am with my wife. If she left, I’d be lost because I wouldn’t know how to cope without my best friend.
Failure
My marriage is by far my most important relationship and the foundation of my life. If my partner decided she didn’t want this anymore, it would be the biggest failure of my life. When I vowed eternal loyalty to this amazing woman in front of God, family, and friends, I meant it—and I hope she did too…
The Visit
Love and tenderness have long since left my marriage, yet I’m terrified my wife will leave. Because of the kids. I don’t want to be the dad they only visit as a guest—it’s important to me to be part of their daily lives. I also fear she might unintentionally turn them against me, but most of all, I dread the idea of her having a new partner who tries to be a father to my kids instead of me. It’s a nightmare if my kids don’t like him, and it would hurt if they did—either way, it’s awful to even think about. I’m the head of the family and a dad; I don’t know what I’d do if I became peripheral to my own family. Now that I’ve thought about it, I’m buying flowers for my wife after work today—just because—so she never thinks about leaving me.
