The Flame
This happened back when people actually read newspapers. My dad was always buried in some daily paper, impossible to get a word in. Once, when I was ten, I really wanted to show him my new dance, but he just hummed and didn’t even look up from those cursed pages. So I took his lighter and held it under the newspaper. Within seconds, the whole thing was blazing. I screamed until my dad yelled, threw the burning paper away, and stomped out the flames on the carpet. He was angry, but my mom took my side, and from then on, my dad paid more attention to me.
Blushing
In high school, my favorite librarian found me a book I’d been searching for forever, and I was so happy that I grabbed her head and kissed her on the cheek. She blushed but laughed, and it’s still my favorite memory from those days.
Mother-in-Law Drama
My mother-in-law made my life miserable even when my husband and I were just dating. Besides her sharp remarks, she never had a kind word for me. After ten years of marriage and two kids, I’d gotten used to her unpleasantness. But once, at a family birthday party, she insulted my daughter’s new outfit, saying, “You look just as clumsy in it as your mother.”
That’s when I lost it. I turned around and slapped her right across the face. She got a quick taste of her own medicine. There was a long silence, then my brother-in-law said, “Mom, you really had that coming. Kids, let’s cut the cake!” And the party went on. Since then, my mother-in-law has been much nicer to me. I should have stood up for myself sooner.
The Finch
We had such adorable zebra finches that one time I couldn’t resist and gently bit one on the head. It was fine, just a bit drooly afterward.
The Journey
My Friday afternoon suddenly freed up, but I didn’t feel like going home, so I got off the subway at the bus station and bought a ticket to Belgrade. I’d never been there. When I arrived, it was evening, so I went to a restaurant for dinner. I made friends with a group and ended up sleeping at one guy’s place. The next morning, I met his sister, who kindly showed me around the city. That visit went so well we’re now married with a two-year-old daughter. All thanks to that impulsive bus ticket purchase.
Speaking My Mind
I told my most annoying university professor that she was shockingly unprepared, unlikeable, and clueless, and that she shouldn’t be teaching this subject—not even at elementary school level. Those who let her torture future generations with her nonsense in higher education deserved to be in jail. Then I went home, slept on it, and woke up clear-headed. I was glad I burned that bridge because it pushed me to start my own business, which has been successful ever since. No regrets.
Consequences
My train came early, so I had an hour before my date. I saw a tattoo parlor, went in, and got the date tattooed on my wrist—no better idea at the moment. The guy I later dated couldn’t believe it was such a spontaneous thing for me. He loved it so much that we’ve been together for four years now, so my tattoo has a sweet meaning.
The Grabber
At a party, I was sitting on the couch when a guy stood behind me. I didn’t even know him, but his amazing butt was too tempting, so I grabbed it. He turned around (he was cute) and said it was sexual harassment. I told him I knew and was sorry, but my hand acted on its own. We ended up dating for two years.
The Toss
My kid was throwing a tantrum, and I couldn’t handle it, so I gently tossed them onto the bed. I immediately worried I’d done something wrong, but they stopped crying and just laughed. Since then, they ask me to toss them onto the bed every night. I read that this helps develop the child’s vestibular system—their balance center.
Relax
On the first day of our vacation, my husband’s work phone kept ringing nonstop with nonsense calls, even though he only brought it for emergencies. On the tenth call, I took the phone, threw it on the ground, stomped on it, and went back to dinner. We both burst out laughing, and the next six days were the best of our lives.
