When I talk to others, I often hear that "the real test of a relationship is moving in together and renovating a home"—but for us, everything happened the other way around.
We traveled for weeks and months before we even seriously lived together. And when it was finally time to take the next step in our relationship, an irresistible job opportunity abroad came up instead.
This not only changed his professional life completely but also threw us into the deep end of a long-distance relationship. Back then, we had no idea it would last over 10 years, or that traveling would become the space where we learned the most about each other.
From the outside, it might have seemed like our life was full of romantic adventures, but our paths were far from idyllic. We had just one day together each week—Sunday. He worked through the rest, while I wrote my thesis, studied, prepared for exams, and later looked for a job.
Even when I finally started working online, we often lived on completely different schedules. The only shared moment was often closing our eyes together at night. Yet, these seemingly small, everyday moments showed us that closeness often lies in quiet presence.
Maybe because work often took us abroad, we didn’t have a “real” vacation for a long time. But eventually, we did take a trip just to unwind—and ended up arguing more than ever before.
We soon realized it wasn’t each other we had issues with. We joined a group trip where others wanted to spend their days at a completely different pace and with different needs than we were used to—and we simply took out our tension on each other. When we got home, it was like the fights just stopped.
That’s when I realized how lucky we are to share similar views on life, and that when it’s just the two of us, we don’t have to adjust to a pace that feels foreign.
Shared Routines Bring Comfort
Over the years, we’ve developed our own little travel routines. Nowadays, we leave the country less for work and more for the joy of travel. I usually hunt for flights, find the right accommodation, and plan the main sights, while he handles bookings, the car, parking, and navigation.
This works best for us—everyone contributes what they do best.
This approach isn’t just key for travel but for most relationships: when we let each other shine in what we’re good at, we both feel secure and move forward smoothly toward our shared goals.
Travel Reflects Each Other’s Personality
For many, travel means rest, but for us, it was more of a learning ground. In a new country and culture, you quickly see how each person handles stress, discomfort, or unexpected situations. I used to worry about everything—the delayed flight, cancellations, long airport lines...
He, on the other hand, stayed calm and handled things with ease, and gradually I picked up on that. I learned from him not to sweat the small stuff, and he learned from me how to find the silver lining even in tough moments. We don’t always play the same “role” on trips, but somehow we balance each other—and that’s what truly matters.
True Kindness Shines in Everyday Moments
While traveling, I also noticed how much it matters how people treat others. Someone polite to the waiter or thankful to the host reveals so much about their character.
I remember early on noticing how considerate my partner was: opening doors, helping with bags, smiling, and never pushing ahead. It’s not that he’s impossible to upset, but I admired how long he could keep his cool.
At the start of our relationship, he might have shown this less to me, but through our travels, I realized he wasn’t trying to impress me with his behavior—this kindness is just a natural part of who he is. Thankfully, it hasn’t changed, and his everyday kindness gives me a steady sense of security.
Different Rhythms Can End a Relationship
Many say the biggest travel fights happen when one person plans every minute and wants an active vacation, while the other prefers to go with the flow and relax. I’d agree, but luckily, we’re not at opposite ends of that spectrum: we’re both planners.
We book ahead, think things through, and like to have a plan because it helps us start trips more relaxed—especially when our daughter comes along. That doesn’t mean we cling rigidly to every detail, just that we like having anchors.
And yes, that includes wandering aimlessly through a city sometimes, but the basic rhythm comes from having a plan in our pocket. This has been a huge relief and shapes not only our vacations but also the vibe of our everyday life.
Looking back, it wasn’t living together or renovating a home that taught us how to work as a team—it was traveling. And while those trips were rarely idyllic vacations, they were perfect for truly getting to know each other. From there, I can say: navigating two home renovations was a breeze.
