Why is it so hard to maintain a healthy, working relationship these days?
Ego
Recently, my girlfriends and I were talking about how we hardly know any couples who are truly happy in their marriages. All four of us are in our thirties; two are divorced, I’ve been single for years, and one just broke up. Ancsi mentioned her grandparents, who seem to have a happy marriage, and the only other couple that came to mind was the elderly neighbors from the seventies who appear to live happily together.
We know many married couples, but just scratching the surface reveals that even with the best intentions, we can’t really call them happy. We realized the problem is that nowadays everyone focuses on self-fulfillment: it’s about "me" instead of "us." People are becoming more selfish and less empathetic; ego often takes priority over the marriage itself.
Expectations
Unrealistic expectations weigh heavily on us. The wife should work, raise the kids, run the household, cook amazing meals, be adventurous in bed—all while looking great and always smiling. The husband should be tall, fit, earn well, come home on time every day, and never look at other women. He should have high emotional intelligence, be gentle and emotionally available, yet masculine and strong. Romantic but practical. Everyone is expected to be everything at once, which is impossible—no wonder so many couples end up disappointed.
Together, Yet Apart
The whole world fits in your hand, along with countless chances to cheat. We live disconnected lives, everyone glued to their phones. You can flirt with someone via chat while sitting next to your spouse on the couch watching Netflix. And yet we wonder why happy marriages are so rare…?
Replaced
When I was 16, my aunt brought me a pair of jeans from abroad that I loved. I accidentally sat in a few drops of ink but thought it just added character. A year later, I spilled something that wouldn’t come out, so I sewed on a patch, making them even more unique. When they ripped at the knee, I purposely made the hole bigger to create a trendy distressed look. Years later, when they stretched and faded, I cut off the legs and turned them into loose shorts I wore through my twenties.
Now, at 38, I buy a new pair of jeans every year because as soon as they show a flaw, I toss them and get a new pair. I don’t bother with repairs when you can get six hundred new pairs for a bargain in any store. What this story points to is that people used to work on their marriages; today, they divorce at the first sign of trouble and are already swiping for new matches on Tinder a minute later.
There’s Always "Better"
Thanks to social media and online dating, we believe something better is waiting for us. We get married, but once the honeymoon phase fades, we start doubting if we made the right choice. With 8 billion people on Earth, what if I married the wrong person and someone better is out there?
The problem is that after a while, once the rose-colored glasses come off, everyone thinks there’s "someone better"—or at least someone different, someone new. The idea of a "soulmate" or "the one" is just a comforting myth. Every marriage is a choice—a commitment to this person—and requires compromise and hard work. And more and more, people are unwilling to put in that work.
