Think about this before you promise someone forever.
Surrounded by divorce my whole life
My parents divorced. My husband's parents divorced. My sister and my brother both went through divorces — and so did both of my ex-husband's siblings. Divorce has been a constant backdrop in my life, so when my own marriage ended a few years ago, it didn't feel entirely foreign. My current partner? Also divorced.
Recently, at a wedding, I ran into several old acquaintances. Almost all of them commented on how much lighter and more relaxed I seemed next to my new partner. One of them said it out loud: "The chemistry between you two was so good, it was genuinely nice just to be near you."
That's when it hit me — she was right. My ex-husband and I are still on good terms, but even in the early days of our relationship, that particular kind of spark was never really there. Since then, I've come to believe that chemistry is the single most underrated factor in any relationship.
What actually holds a marriage together
I've had this conversation with friends many times — what really keeps a marriage alive? Everyone had different priorities, but on one thing, there was quiet, unanimous agreement. The chemistry between two people was the one thing nobody argued against. People just nodded, knowingly.
Because what does anything else matter if you're not truly on the same wavelength as your partner? I'm not saying chemistry is the only thing you need — but it's the secret ingredient that, if missing, quietly hollows everything else out. The early rush of falling in love fades. Chemistry doesn't.
The magnet
I used to think commitment, children, and mutual respect were what held a couple together. I was wrong. Yes, we made vows in front of the people we loved — but let's be honest, how many promises do we break over the course of a lifetime? Plenty. The kids? They've grown up and moved on, no longer a binding force. Respect? Over the years it didn't disappear exactly, but it transformed. We've seen each other petty, childish, embarrassingly drunk, hysterical — everything that is decidedly not respectable.
And yet. We understand each other with half a word, with a single glance. Whatever happens, we already know what the other is thinking — and we're thinking the same thing, feeling the same thing. There's an invisible pull between us, a force that draws us together, and I know with certainty it will never exist between me and anyone else. He is my magnet.
When everything clicks into place
I've been married twice, and while I know that's unusual, I genuinely have nothing bad to say about either of my ex-husbands. They are good men. It simply didn't work — and sometimes that's just how it is. My current husband isn't a "better" person than they were. And yet, he's the one. There's a bond between us that I can't fully explain.
My previous relationships had passion too, but with him, it's as if everything finally fell into place. When we first met, I felt like our energies connected in a way I'd never experienced before — like the last piece of a massive puzzle sliding perfectly into position. I think that's exactly what people mean when they talk about chemistry.
A level of connection that's entirely your own
My husband and I have a way of describing it: when we found each other, we moved into a different plane of existence together. A level that belongs only to us — one we never could have reached separately. And it's not just something we feel privately. The people around us feel it too.
In my past relationships, there was always some friction, always something to fight for, always effort required just to keep love alive. With him, nothing is ever hard. We're in the flow. Everything moves naturally, as if it was always meant to be written this way. My parents never had this. But my grandparents — both now in their seventies — absolutely do. You can still see it clearly between them.
Only marry someone you have this with. Because it's not something you can build later if it isn't there from the start. And it's not something that ever goes away once it is.
