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"She was strutting in front of me with her big boobs" – Lawyers' most unbelievable courtroom stories

Angela Price3 min read
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"She was strutting in front of me with her big boobs" – Lawyers' most unbelievable courtroom stories — Lifestyle
In this article

Clothing

Clothing
The defendant showed up to court wearing the shoes and T-shirt he stole from my client. The judge asked if my client wanted the clothes back, and he said yes—not because he needed them, but because he wanted to see the culprit led away in socks and without a shirt.

Feeding

Feeding
My client was fighting for custody because the kids lived in terrible conditions with their mother, who spent child support money on drugs. To prove she was a caring mom, the ex-wife shouted, "But yesterday I even gave them cat food!"

Steps

Steps
We filed for custody against an alcoholic husband. He claimed he’d started attending Alcoholics Anonymous and was on step four of twelve. When I asked what step four was, he didn’t know. Same for steps three and two. Custody was revoked immediately.

Drunk driving?

Drunk driving?
My client was walking from a bar to his car when a passing cop arrested him for drunk driving as soon as he opened the door. Despite my client saying he only wanted to grab his phone charger because his sober friend would drive him home, the officer testified he saw him start the car. Luckily, the bartender and security footage proved my client stood outside for about 40 minutes watching a soccer game instead of driving.

The breasts

The breasts
My client requested a restraining order against a former colleague who harassed her. The man tried to impress by dressing sharply and speaking politely—until he slipped up, saying she "was strutting in front of him with her big boobs" in the office. The judge’s expression said it all: the charming act was over, and the order was granted.

Never again

Never again
Sadly, the judge acquitted the defendant due to lack of evidence. As he left, the man said, "Thanks, Your Honor, I won’t do this again—I’ll be good from now on."

The slap

The slap
My client worked as a doorman and was hit by a problematic resident during an argument. I knew we had a strong case when I saw the resident representing himself. He claimed the doorman said certain things—made up by him—before the slap. I quickly asked if those words were before or after the hit. "After I hit him," he answered. I smiled and told the judge, "No more questions."

The car key

The car key
I defended a young guy who fell asleep drunk in the back seat of his car after a party. He didn’t drive drunk, but an overzealous cop arrested him because the key was in the car, so he must have driven or intended to. I asked three times if the officer was sure he saw the key each time he said yes. Then I told the jury my client drives a Toyota Prius—which starts with a button, not a key. Case closed.

Porn

Porn
My client was fighting his ex-wife for visitation rights. She argued to the female judge that the kids shouldn’t be with him because he watches porn. The judge smiled and said, "Ma’am, if we took children away from every dad who watches porn, no child would have a father."

The deposit

The deposit
The landlord refused to return my client’s deposit, claiming the apartment was left in terrible condition. His face was priceless when we showed a video proving the place was cleaner and tidier on move-out day than when he moved in. He thought we were bluffing until we revealed we had footage of both move-in and move-out.
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