Calm
When I’m feeling good at home because it’s quiet and peaceful, that’s usually when the bomb drops. My girlfriend suddenly lashes out at me—out of the blue—telling me what a jerk I am.
Pain
It really hurts when my wife ignores me. I read somewhere that being ignored sends the brain signals similar to physical pain—and that’s true because it genuinely hurts me when she does this. I know I must have done something wrong, but I never know what. Sometimes she stays silent for days, and I’m stuck trying to figure out what I did wrong. It’s a terrible feeling.
Deadlock
When I notice the silent treatment (that’s what I call it), I don’t beg her to tell me what’s wrong because she won’t answer. I just stay quiet too. Our record is three days without speaking to each other. It used to upset me a lot, but now I don’t mind because I know she can’t keep it up as long as I can—she’s always the first to break the silence.
Gift
When I get the silent treatment, I buy her something. Flowers and chocolate usually do the trick. I never really know why I’m being punished, but honestly, I don’t care much—I just want peace.
Breaking the Habit
One quiet evening, I sat down with my fiancée and told her that since we’re going to spend our lives together, this silent treatment thing won’t work with me. We men are wired to look for solutions right away, and we can’t fix something if we don’t know what it is. I asked her to tell me if I hurt her unintentionally or did something wrong, and I promised to apologize immediately. She understood, and it’s been working ever since—we’ve been happily married for six years now.
The Sentence
At those times, I simply say: “I’m not a mind reader, so if something’s bothering you, please tell me, because I can’t help if I don’t know.”
Child’s Play
I think women are smarter and more mature than men, but this one childish habit drives me crazy. You sulk silently instead of opening your mouth and telling me what’s wrong? What’s with this playground behavior?
Monologue
My girlfriend chatters nonstop, but when she’s upset, she goes silent and slams things around. She might be tidying or washing dishes, but she does it loud enough for the neighbors to hear. That’s how she shows she’s upset, and I’ve accepted it. I stand in front of her and deliver my usual monologue about how sorry I am and how much I love her. Once, she looked at me strangely and said she wasn’t mad at me but at her boss. We laughed about that.
No.
In my opinion, the silent treatment is emotional manipulation and mental abuse. Nobody should do that to me. If there’s a problem, either say it or walk out the door—I’m not going to play guessing games. I’m too old for that.
Retaliation
I learned this from women, and if I have a problem, I sulk silently too. It’s funny how women don’t know how to handle it, but once they experience it from the other side, they quickly stop.
