Have you ever found yourself giving too much to a man who didn’t deserve it?
Expectations
“You’re a woman, you should have known I’d come home hungry from work.” This came from a man who told me on our first date that he didn’t want anything serious. I accepted it and thought a “friends with benefits” situation was fine until I found someone else. We met once or twice a week, usually at his place, but this time it was at mine. After his comment, I shook my head in disbelief, as if I misheard, and asked, “You think I should have waited to feed you lunch? Feeding you is my responsibility now? Excuse me, but when was the last time you welcomed me with a home-cooked meal or offered me anything?” He said nothing—because there was no answer to that—and I told him that was it for me and not to contact me again.
Effort
I did the grocery shopping, booked his doctor appointments, bought Mother’s Day gifts for his mom, and gave my all to the relationship. When I realized I was basically playing the wife role in his life, but he hadn’t even bothered to hang a shelf for me in weeks, I pulled back a bit. I’ll never forget his face the first time I greeted him without makeup, in pajamas. Until then, I always dressed up fully when he came over. As soon as I matched his effort—meaning none at all—he quickly walked away.
Full-Time Role
I realized I was giving him privileges like he was my husband, even though I barely called him my boyfriend. The more I poured my heart out, the less he delivered and took everything for granted. Once I saw things clearly, I decided I wouldn’t be a full-time woman in a part-time relationship.
Comfort
Three months into our relationship, I came home to find him throwing a tantrum because I ran out of fruit yogurt. The fruit yogurt I don’t even like but had been buying for three months because I knew he loved it and always ate it when he came over. I prefer cocoa, but I only drank that at his place during the first two weeks. He bought a box when we got together, but it was long gone and he never replaced it. In just three months, he put far less into the relationship than I did and got so comfortable that he felt entitled to throw a fit over me not buying him yogurt.
The Massage
When we met, he said he was going through a “crazy chaotic” period and simply didn’t have time for a serious relationship. I believed him when he said he didn’t want to lose me and asked for some time and patience while he sorted his life out. I agreed and accepted that he could only come over once or twice a week. Then I realized, am I crazy? This guy shows up, spends half an hour in the shower, empties my fridge, asks for a back massage, we have sex, and then he disappears for days. He wouldn’t commit to me but expected everything a serious relationship demands.
Marketing
I’m a PR professional and quickly realized what I got at the start was just the marketing phase. He took me here and there, we ate out and went to events—every meeting was an adventure. I understand that can’t last for years, but the shift was so sharp. After a few months, he completely hit the brakes once he felt comfortable. We stopped going out, I cooked for us, he practically moved in, but he never brought a single flower. In the end, I told him I deserved more and showed him the door.
