A U.S. study has once again confirmed what we already suspected: great sex really matters in relationships. Nearly 70% of those surveyed said they’d end a relationship quickly if their sex life wasn’t working. But then, why do so many people fake orgasms so often?
Commissioned for Sexual Health Awareness Month, a OnePoll survey of 2,000 sexually active adults found that 4 in 10 feel they’ve never truly had an orgasm. That 40% without orgasm is already a sad stat, not to mention the 70% who say their sex life isn’t satisfying. So what do we make of the fact that both men and women regularly fake orgasms?
Researchers found that 17% of respondents regularly pretend to reach climax, with little difference between genders: 18% of women and 16% of men admitted to faking it.
Negative experiences in the bedroom often signal a breakup ahead. Yet some choose to fake it long-term, masking dissatisfaction. Some have even mastered this art—women report faking orgasm about 4 times a month, averaging 40 times a year according to the survey.
The Communication Gap Is Crystal Clear
The very need to fake an orgasm shows people aren’t talking enough about their sex lives. Supporting this, 46% believe their partner would never fake an orgasm.
The numbers don’t quite add up. How can 70% be dissatisfied, 40% never have orgasms, 17% regularly fake them, yet 46% think their partner is perfectly happy and satisfied?
Why Do People Fake It?
To avoid disappointment and meet not just relationship expectations but social pressures too. (Since the rise of porn, we’ve known women supposedly need almost nothing for mind-blowing orgasms, and men are expected to have no trouble either.)
Many know they could seek help—like seeing a sex therapist or talking openly with their partner—but feel too embarrassed. 44% admit they don’t know how to satisfy their partner but live with it anyway. Shockingly, 50% of men and 36% of women say the process of giving pleasure is challenging for them.
While many want to improve their bedroom skills, the survey shows it’s not easy for everyone. 53% plan to talk with their partner about improving their sex life but fear causing hurt feelings. Yet, since 70% of breakups stem from poor sex, those tough but honest conversations could be game changers.
“Sexual pleasure has become so stigmatized and compartmentalized that people struggle to ask for what truly feels good,” says Lora DiCarlo.
“Sex isn’t one-sided: open communication between partners not only leads to better sex but also builds trust and empowerment. Who wouldn’t want that?”
Is There a Way Out?
Communication is key, but there are also tools that can help couples improve their sex lives. One option is introducing more sexual accessories and toys during intimacy.
74% of respondents felt these tools increased their chances of reaching orgasm by 74%. Among those who use sexual toys with their partners, 75% said it improved not only their sex life but also their communication.
“Sexual aids have been with us for a long time. Advances in technology allow individuals to better understand their bodies, preferences, and needs. This understanding leads to self-awareness and encourages better communication between partners,” explains DiCarlo.
