You can challenge patriarchy and social expectations with subtle, clever moves.
Could you hold this?
When I had a child, I always offered male guests to hold the baby, and the surprised looks never got old. “Petikém, could you hold the baby while I step into the kitchen? Thanks!” Even though their wives were there, I always handed the baby to the husbands. Women spend their whole lives caring for babies; sometimes men deserve a chance too.
Could I speak with your husband?
During our renovation, every tradesman insisted on talking to my husband, even though I was the contact person on contracts and orders. (I’m an architect; my husband is an IT specialist, so I handled everything.) When they rang the doorbell or called and heard my voice, they immediately asked for my husband. I’d call him over, and he’d say he had no idea what was going on and to talk to me instead.
Dear
When a taxi driver, butcher, plumber, greengrocer, or others call me “sweetheart,” “dear,” or “darling,” I don’t hesitate to return the favor. It always sparks a laugh: “Half a kilo and twenty dekagrams of chicken liver, is that okay, darling?” – “Sure, that’s fine, darling.”
After you…
For male colleagues who act condescending, I love opening the door for them. I rush ahead, open the door with a warm smile, and gesture them in. It totally throws them off and “undoes” their macho act—and that’s exactly why I do it. Once, my unpleasant boss was carrying a printer, and when I asked if he wanted help, the guy almost exploded.
Hold on a second
When a man interrupts a woman in a group—often the husband interrupting his wife—I always speak up: “Hold on, Gábor, Szandra was talking. Where were you, Szandi?” Their jaws drop, but I just smile and wait for the woman to continue, ignoring the men’s shock.
Bam
About six months ago, I was carrying two bags home when two young guys approached. I instinctively stepped aside to make room on the sidewalk, but they were so caught up in their conversation they didn’t even notice. That was the last time I moved aside. Since then, a man bumps into me almost every week, but now I brace my shoulders and stand my ground. When they gape at me, I just say, “Watch where you’re going,” and keep walking.
Dear Dad!
I’m a teacher, and if a child gets sick or I need to contact parents for any reason, I always call the dad first. If they say to call the mom because “she usually handles this,” I kindly reply, “Oh, sorry, you’re listed here as the child’s father…”
On display
I don’t hide my menstrual products. At the office, I openly pull a tampon from my bag in front of male colleagues and pocket it before heading to the restroom. At home, sanitary pads aren’t hidden in the bathroom either. Once, my friend’s boyfriend was shocked by this, so I asked him what was wrong with natural female biology. He turned bright red and said nothing.
Percentage
If someone throws the “single cat lady” stereotype at me, I point out that 80% of Tinder users are men, so most “old maids” are single because they choose to be.
But honey…
One annoying thing about my husband is that when he’s angry, he throws a tantrum like a child. Not at others, but he’s impatient with himself, yelling and swearing. I usually defuse this by asking him gently to stop the drama. “Honey, please stop the tantrum, okay?” I say in a sweet voice, like talking to a kid. The word “tantrum” is often used to describe women’s behavior (it was even once considered an official illness!), so men find it humiliating to be called that. My husband immediately gets the hint and feels embarrassed.
