It’s a real nightmare when you find out a couple can’t have children, but the news can be even more devastating than you might think.
Explosion
At a work party, I overheard two women complaining about how hard their pregnancies were. Luckily, my husband noticed I was about to lose it and gently pulled me away. I just can’t stand women complaining about childbirth or their kids because I want to tell them how lucky they are. No matter how tough pregnancy was, I’d endure labor pain and all the challenges of parenting without a word—but I can’t have that, and here they are whining! It must be awful, Aranka, having to nap every afternoon because pregnancy wears you out—what a tragedy, I really feel for you, please tell me more!
Hard
We had to cut ties with all our friends who have kids because we couldn’t bear to see their happiness. (Unfortunately, this also affected some childhood friends, but there was no other way.) Since then, we only organize events with childfree or childless couples, and it’s been easier that way.
The Figure
On our first date, she told me she couldn’t have children, and I accepted it. Three years later, we started the adoption process, and then a year after that, she got pregnant. It turned out she was fine but didn’t want to give birth because she was "protecting her figure." She hated pregnancy and insisted on a scheduled C-section. I don’t get women sometimes. I love her and adore our daughter, but I still have a little resentment. As a man, I obviously have no idea what pregnancy and childbirth are like, but I’m shocked she lied about being infertile.
The Break
My infertility diagnosis cost me my marriage. Not because of my husband, but because of me—I’ve become an angry, bitter, jealous, and unbearable person since then.
Understanding
When I found out I couldn’t have children, my husband was understanding, and we agreed to adopt. We became parents to 18-month-old twin girls whom we adored. Then, a year later, my husband said it was "too much" for him and left us. A year and a half later, he remarried, has two kids with his new wife, and hasn’t visited our daughters at all. I get that he wanted his own children, but why wait so long to leave two little kids alone?
The Sight
We can’t have kids and don’t want to adopt, so we decided to be happy just the two of us. But whenever we go somewhere and my wife sees a family, she always starts crying. I understand it hurts, but we accepted—at least in theory—four years ago that it’s not possible for us, and she still hasn’t moved on. After that, she’s moody for the rest of the day, which poisons our weekdays, weekends, and vacations because you bump into kids everywhere. I try to be understanding, but I’m starting to get a little tired of it…
The Doubt
My girlfriend never wanted kids, but I did, and I finally convinced her. Then it turned out she was infertile. Since she didn’t seem sad at all about the diagnosis, I suspect she lied and got a fake document somewhere. Recently, I suggested seeing a reputable IVF doctor, but she strongly objected and yelled at me to accept that she can’t have children. The problem is, I don’t believe her—but what if she really is infertile and I’m wrong? She’d never forgive me… I don’t know what to do; I want children.
Like Smoke
I went to the doctor because of endometriosis and found out I probably will never have children. I called my boyfriend crying and told him. He tried to comfort me, but when I got home, he was packing his things. He said he was sorry, and I never saw him again. We had been together for four years.
Bitter Pill
Since I was a little girl, I dreamed of having lots of kids, but instead of becoming a mom, I became a sad statistic. Last Christmas, my sister-in-law announced she was expecting, and I ran to the bathroom to throw up—and cry.
The Secret
We had been together for four years when we got married. We often talked about having kids—we wanted three because we both have two siblings. It wasn’t urgent, but two years after the wedding, I suggested we get checked. That’s when my wife tearfully told me she couldn’t have children. I was shocked and speechless. This information, to put it mildly, torpedoed our marriage. I can’t get over the fact that she dreamed with me for years about our future kids—how we’d raise them, what they’d look like, what their names would be… And all the while, she knew she was infertile. I feel betrayed and don’t know what will happen to us.
