1. Oink Oink
Six months after giving birth, I hadn’t yet dropped back to my competition weight. My mother-in-law gifted me a pig-shaped fridge magnet that oinked every time I opened the fridge. My playful comeback? I printed an unflattering photo of her and stuck it to the fridge with that very pig magnet.
2. Sizes
My elderly aunt kept buying me tiny (XS) tops, always feigning surprise with, “Oh, sorry, I thought you’d fit into these…” One Christmas, I’d had enough and gifted her a box of adult diapers. When she asked indignantly why, I replied with mock surprise, “Oh, I thought you might already be using them.”
3. Fits Perfectly
For my birthday, my sister gave me some of her used clothes, saying, “I bought these after giving birth when I was super swollen—they’ll definitely fit you.” It stung, but my revenge came when her husband announced he was leaving her—I gifted her the book “How to Keep the Passion Alive in Your Marriage.”
4. The Book
My dad’s third wife gave me a manners book, which I left at their place to prop up a dining table leg. The next Christmas, she gave me the same book again—and I left it under the table leg once more.
5. A Hint
My husband gifted me the book “1000 Nights of Amazing Sex.” I received it when our first child was three and the twins were nine months old. My next gift to him was “The Refined Man: How to Be One.” A few years later, we divorced.
6. Facial Hair
Two months after announcing I was growing a beard, my entire family gifted me shaving supplies for Christmas: shaving foam, a brush, blades, even an electric razor—knowing full well I wouldn’t use any of it. Everyone except me thought it was hilarious.
7. Rent
When I turned 18, my dad told me it was time to contribute to the household and demanded several hundred dollars in rent. Working day and night while studying, I moved out to share an apartment with a friend—it cost me half as much. For my birthday, he sent a card saying his gift was “forgiving the rent now that I’ve moved out.” I never spoke to him again and now he wonders why I don’t care for him in his old age and illness.
8. The Apron
My husband’s mother gave him an apron that read, “My wife is too pretty to cook.” It was a message for me since I worked night shifts and he had to feed the kids dinner. The next Christmas, I gifted his mom a laser hair removal voucher. When she opened it and looked at me puzzled, I pointed to my "mustache" and winked.
9. The Bra
For my birthday, my boyfriend gave me three sexy lace bras, all size C, while I wear an A cup. That’s when I realized he’d never accept me as I am. Two weeks later, on his name day, I moved out before he got home from work.
10. The Hint
I’d mentioned several times which board game I wanted, but for Christmas, my wife gave me a snow shovel. Her birthday is in January, and she hinted at a makeup set, but my gift to her was a vacuum cleaner. Then for Valentine’s Day, she got me a mop bucket, and I gave her a dish soap and sponge gift pack for Women’s Day. I’m curious to see what my next gift will be.
