A recent study by the American Gallup management consulting firm links rising workplace rudeness to increased stress levels. This supports 2022 research by Christine Porath, a management professor at Georgetown University, revealing that 76% of employees experience disrespect at least once a month. Laura Ashley-Timms, a management expert working regularly with companies through her organization Star Manager on leadership and productivity, wasn’t surprised by these findings. “I connect this to work-related overload,” she says.
“When people get impatient, it’s usually because they’re overwhelmed—it’s a stress response. I don’t think we’re intentionally rude; sometimes we just react poorly to what’s happening.”
For her, this rudeness also stems from declining workplace engagement. As more of us face high stress levels, it’s natural to assume the next step is a kind of self-protection—a withdrawal from caring about what feels like an unbeatable workload. In these moments, unintentional disrespect or inattentiveness toward coworkers can emerge.
“Right now, we’re seeing the lowest engagement levels I’ve ever encountered in my career. In some companies, disengagement can reach as high as 90%,” she explains. “When we’re passionate about something, we tend to think more carefully about how we respond. This huge lack of engagement combined with intense stress affects how we sometimes talk to each other.”
How Does Rudeness Show Up?
Rudeness can take many forms, and its impact varies depending on who’s showing it and to whom. When your manager neglects their manners, it can be especially disheartening. So, how do you handle it? Timms suggests developing a special skill set to navigate this issue, which is often worsened by hierarchical imbalances. “Learning to use the power of questions can be very effective when dealing with upper management.” She advises approaching your boss with questions instead of accusations. While it might seem tricky, gently encouraging your manager to reflect on the impact of their actions often leads to more lasting awareness than simply stating their behavior is unacceptable.
The power of questions lies in prompting the person to consider the consequences of their behavior. “This gives them a moment to pause, breathe, and think about what’s really driving their actions,” Ashley-Timms explains, adding that tone and behavior are often unintentional and influenced by contexts outside work.
“We have to remember they’re not always like this. Maybe something happened outside work. Perhaps someone spoke harshly to them, or they were disappointed by an important client or lost a deal. In such cases, offering help with whatever might be causing the situation can pay off.” Ultimately, we’re all human, and reaching the heart of someone’s feelings can go a long way in easing tensions. “Even the best leaders have bad days,” Ashley-Timms reminds us.
But What If You’re the Leader? Or If You’ve Noticed—or Others Have—That You’re Acting Rudely? What Self-Regulation Tools Should You Use?
Ashley-Timms says the key is self-awareness. “You need to learn to recognize what triggers your behavior,” she advises. “Maybe you’re exhausted or stayed up late with your kids. There are many reasons you might be impatient at work and not having your best day, but it’s important to notice when this leads to dismissive behavior toward someone. Once you catch it, pause before speaking, take a deep breath, and try asking a question instead. This gives someone else a chance to contribute and take the lead in the conversation.”
As with so many things, honesty is the best policy here. A little humor helps too. “Say something like, ‘I’m really sorry, but I’m feeling impatient right now and don’t want to speak this way.’ Explaining that you’re tired or under pressure can make a big difference. When you do this, you not only become more relatable and understandable to your colleagues but can even lift the mood. Admitting you’re not having your best day can truly be a game changer.” Ultimately, restoring politeness at work is essential not just for employee well-being but also for productivity and talent retention. As Ashley-Timms points out: “Studies show more than half of employees quit a job if they have a poor relationship with their manager or face inappropriate workplace behavior.”
Opening image: Studio4/istockphoto.com
