Drawn-on eyebrows, dozens of throw pillows, romcoms: as a man, what is it that you just don’t understand about why women love these? There are things we adore, but men often can’t grasp what’s so great about them.
Scalding Hot
They shower with water so hot it could cook meat off my bones—I just don’t get how they can stand it.
Stars, Stars
Astrology. I once dated a woman who asked my zodiac sign, and when I said Scorpio, she said sorry, but there wouldn’t be a second date because she couldn’t date a Scorpio. I told her I’m actually a Taurus (true story), but after that, I wasn’t interested in meeting again either. Astrology is nonsense, yet women love it and judge people’s personalities by made-up star signs—it’s kind of ridiculous.
Real Horror
My wife, my mom, my sister, my sister-in-law, and my friends’ girlfriends are all hooked on true crime documentaries. Every story is horrific—just hearing them is tough—but they watch the twentieth tale of a husband stabbing, dismembering, and burying his wife with genuine interest.
Poisoned
Toxic alpha males. Women are drawn to them, thinking they’ll change them—and then they cry when those men treat them badly. Surprise!
Wild Side
My buddies and I agreed that the sweetest, most innocent girls we knew were often the ones demanding wildness in bed: hard spanking, choking, slaps, rough sex, and so on. None of us enjoyed it or understood why they got so excited about it.
Reality
Trashy reality shows like "The Real Housewives," lame celebrity contests, dating reality TV—they’re all staged and brainless, with zero value. I had a girlfriend so obsessed with her favorite reality show that she skipped her brother’s graduation to avoid missing it.
Claws
I get chills from those super long acrylic nails. I once dated a girl who told me how hard it was to wipe herself with them. I even helped a girl at the store who couldn’t pick up her change because of her nails. How do you live like that? Plus, they don’t even look good! Maybe long acrylic nails are a status symbol for women, showing they don’t need to work? Just guessing…
Romcoms
Honestly, if you’ve seen one romantic comedy, you’ve basically seen them all. Hollywood churns out at least fifty of these cheesy flicks every year, and every guy has to go see them with his girl. How do women not get bored? Every movie follows the same tired script, same story, same characters—everything! But if I want to watch a horror movie, suddenly it’s a big deal…
Over the Top
One of life’s great mysteries to me is women’s obsession with throw pillows. Visit a woman’s place and you can barely sit on the couch because of all the pillows, and before bed, you have to toss a dozen more onto the floor. Why? No one usually sees them anyway. Three of my exes gifted me throw pillows with enthusiasm, arranged them on my couch, and admired their work. They always annoyed me, so at breakups, I carefully packed up their pillows.
Arched
I’ll never understand the appeal of drawn-on eyebrows. Everyone has real eyebrows that look good as they are. Why shave them off and replace them with a weird surprised arch? Don’t get me started on tattooed brows—there’s nothing sexier than a faded, blurry blue line where your eyebrow should be. Yuck. I’ve even seen some that make the wearer look permanently angry.
