The truth is, solitude felt good from the very first moment. I remember buying a new set of bedding in the first week and moving the bed to the other corner of the bedroom. The room was mine again. I slept incredibly well that night.
It didn’t take long before I not only got used to being my own master but also grew to love living alone. And although I now have a stable, loving relationship again, I’m in no rush to move in together. Because now I know: living alone over 35 is not embarrassing. In fact, sometimes it’s the wisest decision.
However, society still suggests otherwise. As if a relationship is only "real" if you share an address, fridge magnets, and a Netflix account. If you live alone over 35, it’s suspicious. As if something is missing, something is not right. If you’re alone, obviously you can’t find a partner; if you live separately while in a relationship, the guy surely doesn’t take you seriously because you haven’t furnished a home together yet. The fact that you might not even want this (or maybe never will) doesn’t even occur to most critics as a possibility.
But my life is whole now. Even though my partner and I don’t sit on the same couch every evening but live in two separate apartments. And no, I don’t feel like we’re "delaying" or "not taking it seriously" because of this.
Solitude for Me Is Not Loneliness but Freedom
In my own apartment, every object, color, and scent is mine. There’s no compromise on wall color, sofa cover, or where the bookshelf goes. I indulge my passion for interior design, enjoying expressing myself through my environment again. My partner appreciates this – he’s glad I find joy in it, and honestly, he’s thankful I don’t touch the GTA posters in his place. He’s at home there, I’m at home here – and we both love this dynamic.
We don’t argue about where dirty socks go because they’re guests in my space, treated with care and respect. Just as I am in his space, where if I find a piece of laundry on the bathroom floor, it doesn’t bother me because it’s not my bathroom floor. Our relationship isn’t strong because of a shared couch but because of mutual freedom and trust. Because we know we’re together without losing ourselves.
Over our 30s, we no longer live by romantic movie scripts. A relationship isn’t deep and authentic because we have coffee together every morning or fall into the same bed every night. It’s because we let each other breathe and appreciate what we each bring individually to the relationship.
Of course, I don’t rule out living with someone again someday. But right now, I don’t feel the need. And I don’t feel like I’m missing out on anything. On the contrary, I feel this period is a gift: an opportunity to be completely at home in myself. To shape my days, habits, and spaces in the way that suits me best. And this only makes my relationship stronger and happier at this point.
