But here’s the thing: we rarely get answers, and even if our ex did respond, it wouldn’t necessarily make things easier. Being cheated on or left is always painful, confusing, and frustrating. For weeks, we wait for that call or message saying they made a mistake and can’t live without us. We constantly check our phones, hoping for a text, making it the last thing we do at night and the first in the morning. The worst part – I’ve been there – is when the other person refuses to respond and cuts off all communication, even though we still have so many questions and things to say.
This situation is humiliating, unfair, and deeply sad because we know the moment we’re waiting for probably won’t come. Yet, we hold on to hope and daydream about how we’ll react when they come back, remorseful and begging for another chance. A few years ago, stuck in this exact spot, I typed into Google—no joke—“how to heal a broken heart?” The first result showed a menu of scenarios:
Did your partner leave you for your best friend? Your sister? Did they ditch you at the altar?
The questions went on and on, each worse than the last. Since my situation was “only” that after a big fight my ex didn’t want to continue the relationship, I immediately felt a bit better. I realized things could be much worse, so I pitied myself a little less.
Finally, I found the simple “Left Behind” category, where the first advice was to write a letter to your ex, pouring out all your pain, hurt, and questions. I raised an eyebrow, but the text continued in bold: “BUT DON’T SEND IT!”
I didn’t really believe writing down my feelings without expecting a reply would help. But I started anyway, because back then, besides self-pity, I had little else to do.
I wrote everything. How full of hope I was when the relationship began, how lying in each other’s arms and sharing our deepest secrets made me the happiest I’d ever been. How sure I was that we’d be together forever and that no one had ever hurt me this much. How I couldn’t understand what went wrong, why the relationship ended, why they wouldn’t give us another chance, and how they could ignore my messages. How could they live without me when they were in every thought of mine?
After the romantic sadness, I unleashed my anger. I typed out every grievance—peppered with some choice words—so fast my keyboard almost smoked. By the end, I was a bit exhausted. And I felt lighter. I saved the letter and then forgot about it, but somehow, my mindset shifted, and each day got a little easier.
Years later, I stumbled upon that document on my computer, and when I read it, tears streamed down my face—but from laughter.
What felt like a tragedy then seemed distant and downright ridiculous. Needless to say, I never got answers from my ex; time was the only one to provide them. When I ran into them at a party years later, I felt no bitterness, and we had a pleasant chat.
So, if you’re wondering what to do with those unanswered questions after a breakup, here’s my advice: don’t ask the person who hurt you. Write them down, tuck them away, and let time bring the answers.
