At the Speed of Light
Where I live, the 30 km/h (about 20 mph) speed limit is totally pointless and unnecessary. If I followed it, I’d lose hours of my life every year. So, I have to "speed up," meaning I usually drive at 45-50 km/h (28-31 mph) on the roads.
Ageless
My 15-year-old son loves my tractor, so I taught him to drive it, and now he regularly uses it at our farm. I did the same with his older brother, who at 16 was able to drive their grandmother to the hospital when she fell ill. Who knows how long the ambulance would have taken to get there... So yes, I’m a repeat offender putting minors at risk—arrest me!
Mr. Sure Thing
Whenever a cop pulls me over, I always talk my way out. Maybe I forgot some document, or I was speeding, or I didn’t stop at a stop sign... I’m always rightly fined, but somehow I always get away with it. Being a woman isn’t easy, but this is one of the rare perks, so I have no guilt feelings.
Building
My neighbor wanted to build an outbuilding and extend his house. He applied for permits but got rejected, so he sold his house and moved away. When my second child was born, we also needed more space, but learning from his mistake, I didn’t ask for permission—I just added onto the house. No one minds, even though it’s basically illegal.
Movies
I download movies illegally several times a week. Sorry, but with movie tickets, popcorn, and nachos getting so outrageously expensive, I’m just not willing to go to theaters anymore.
Posters and Tunes
For decorating my home and business, I’ve downloaded and printed high-quality images from the internet without paying the artists. Same with music—I play tunes in my venue without buying the rights. If business takes off and I get rich, I’ll pay retroactively.
Stacked
My boyfriend breaks the law every weekend: he illegally streams live sports. He says he won’t pay $80 for a cage fight or an American football game, so he watches online instead. I live with a notorious repeat offender. I’m about to ask him how much it’s worth to him that I don’t snitch.
Red Light
When I look around and see no cars coming, I regularly cross the street even if the light is red. I tried to quit this criminal habit, but I can’t—life’s too short.
The Dealer
I smoke a joint once a week, always just one, always on Saturday night. It’s my little weekly chill time. I always buy more because my friend does the same, so he pays me for the weed. I guess that makes me a dealer. Now that’s real crime!
Skipping
I ride public transport for free. I have a ticket, but I ignore it if I see a conductor coming. I refuse to buy a pass because I don’t think it’s justified. I don’t use public transport enough to need a pass, and my workplace—where I go twice a week—requires three transfers each way, so that’d be six tickets weekly. That’s absurd. No daily ticket either—no way, no how, it just doesn’t fit my travel needs.
