Passive-aggressive behavior often sneaks into our daily lives unnoticed, quietly harming even our closest relationships over time. Take this quiz to see how your relationship dynamics really work!
Each A answer scores 1 point, B answers 2 points, C answers 3 points, and D answers 4 points.
1. When I’m disappointed by a friend, I don’t bother clearing things up. I wait for them to come to me and beg for forgiveness.
A: Very typical
B: Somewhat typical
C: Less typical
D: Not typical at all
2. When I receive praise but my self-esteem is low, I tend to think the other person is just flattering me out of pity or self-interest.
A: Very typical
B: Somewhat typical
C: Less typical
D: Not typical at all
3. If I have information that could help someone I dislike, I deliberately withhold it to make things harder for them.
A: Very typical
B: Somewhat typical
C: Less typical
D: Not typical at all
4. I have used the “silent treatment” as a punishment, going days without speaking to someone I was angry with.
A: Very typical
B: Somewhat typical
C: Less typical
D: Not typical at all
5. If someone hurts me, I purposely become unreachable and ignore their calls or messages to make them feel the weight of their actions.
A: Very typical
B: Somewhat typical
C: Less typical
D: Not typical at all
6. If I’m unhappy with others’ work in a group task, I only do the bare minimum, slowing down the team’s success.
A: Very typical
B: Somewhat typical
C: Less typical
D: Not typical at all
7. Sometimes I make hurtful remarks about someone behind their back or sarcastically to their face, then shrug it off with “I was just joking.”
A: Very typical
B: Somewhat typical
C: Less typical
D: Not typical at all
8. After a fight with my partner, I deliberately withhold affection and emotional closeness to show my anger.
A: Very typical
B: Somewhat typical
C: Less typical
D: Not typical at all
9. I often use forgetfulness or other excuses to avoid shared activities with someone I’m upset with.
A: Very typical
B: Somewhat typical
C: Less typical
D: Not typical at all
10. If someone irritates me in a joint project, I noticeably reduce my enthusiasm and commitment to signal my displeasure.
A: Very typical
B: Somewhat typical
C: Less typical
D: Not typical at all
11. During tough times, I almost punish myself by cutting out joyful activities that could actually help me recover.
A: Very typical
B: Somewhat typical
C: Less typical
D: Not typical at all
12. Even when I know my behavior hurts someone, I’m capable of cutting off contact completely without any explanation.
A: Very typical
B: Somewhat typical
C: Less typical
D: Not typical at all
13. If someone asks me for a favor I don’t want to do, instead of saying no, I take on the task dramatically and loudly sigh like a martyr.
A: Very typical
B: Somewhat typical
C: Less typical
D: Not typical at all
14. Sometimes, out of revenge or anger, I’ve deliberately revealed someone’s secret or an embarrassing story about them in front of others.
A: Very typical
B: Somewhat typical
C: Less typical
D: Not typical at all
15. If a close relative hurts me, I immediately cut back on our daily routines (like shared coffee time) to make them feel the loss.
A: Very typical
B: Somewhat typical
C: Less typical
D: Not typical at all
16. When someone I’m at odds with asks me for a favor, I deliberately do a sloppy job and then pretend not to understand.
A: Very typical
B: Somewhat typical
C: Less typical
D: Not typical at all
Your Score
Strong Tendency Toward Passive Aggression (16–28 points)
Your results suggest you often find it hard to openly express your feelings and tend to take the "roundabout routes" when something bothers you. Don’t worry—this is often just a learned defense mechanism! But remember, silence or sniping can end up hurting those you care about most in the long run. What can you do right now? Try not to punish others with your silence. Instead, give yourself five minutes to calm down, then talk through the problem like an adult with those involved!
Moderate Passive-Aggressive Attitude (29–44 points)
You generally strive for honesty, but when you’re overwhelmed or hurt, you might resort to a passive-aggressive “weapon” like sarcasm or sulking. That’s normal and happens to everyone sometimes, but it’s worth noticing what triggers your defense and avoidance. Don’t forget to practice firm yet kind refusals! Believe me, your circle will appreciate a sincere no more than a reluctant yes!
Assertive and Straightforward Personality (45–64 points)
You really know how to communicate clearly and maturely! You don’t play games, seek revenge over small things, and you’re brave enough to face conflicts when needed. Those around you feel reassured knowing there are no hidden barbs. And if someone tries to drag you into their drama, don’t take on their tension—calmly asking a clarifying question can stop guessing games and unnecessary drama right away.
