They say desperation shows and it’s off-putting, but what can we really do about it?
The Kiss
I was craving connection and really liked the guy. When he walked me home, I decided to take the lead and kissed him first instead of waiting. I felt like I’d sink through the floor when he pulled away and hugged me instead. The next day, he messaged saying he could tell I’d been single a long time, but this pace was too fast for him, and wished me luck with dating. That’s when I promised myself I’d never again show that I’m longing for tenderness. Never.
Tears
When I’m in that place (like now) where I’d give anything for a little tenderness, I make sure to have a good cry before going on a date. I watch one of my favorite romantic comedies for the twentieth time—one that always gets me crying by the end—and afterward, I feel lighter. It frees me up a bit, making it easier to connect with someone new.
Muscles
My secret? I arrive exhausted. I hit the gym beforehand and tire myself out. That way, my date sees fatigue, not desperation.
The Lesson
I hadn’t had a girlfriend for two years and was nearly going crazy craving a gentle female touch. The girl was cute, and while walking, I couldn’t help but casually wrap my arm around her waist. She tensed up like she’d been shocked, and I had to quickly pull back and apologize profusely. I was embarrassed and vowed that no matter how much it felt good, I wouldn’t try any touch on a first date again. Honestly, I don’t have a foolproof method—just that I’ve learned to suppress those impulses.
Massage
I treat myself to a massage beforehand. (I’m a woman, and I’m not talking about a “happy ending.”) Being gently kneaded feels wonderful and really helps when I’m craving a soothing touch.
Awkward
All my girlfriends had partners, but I’d been single for three years—no one-night stands or “friends with benefits” in my life. It wasn’t sex I craved most, but intimacy and closeness. Finally, I got a date. I wasn’t crazy about the guy at first, but when he opened the café door for me and gently placed his hand on my waist to guide me inside, it felt so good my legs went weak. When we said goodbye, he politely kissed me on the cheek, and I couldn’t wait for the next date to throw myself into his arms. The next morning, I woke up to his message, heart pounding, only to read that he didn’t feel chemistry between us. That hit me hard, and I haven’t gone on another date since…
Any Ideas?
I don’t know—I’m in the same boat. Someone please share a good tip, because just the other day my heart was racing when I shook hands with the new assistant director, and he’s not even that handsome, just charming…
Soft
Before a date, I cuddle with my cat. She’s soft, warm, and purrs gently—just enough to recharge me emotionally so I don’t fall headfirst into my poor unsuspecting date’s arms.
Untouched
I consciously make sure not to touch the person or hold eye contact too long. I’d rather come across as reserved and cool than desperate and needy. It really helps if I meet friends beforehand to get hugs from.
Simple
As a man, I have a simple tip: watch some adult content before a date, take care of yourself, then go meet your date. Women are more emotional, but I think this could work for them too. It helps release tension, calms you down, and you don’t go in all wired. It always works for me.
