The Illusion
Don’t buy into the Instagram fantasy that happiness as a woman means posing on a Paris luxury hotel balcony or an exotic beach at 45 kilos, or as a man flexing muscles in an expensive suit next to a $130,000 car. That has nothing to do with real life. Life isn’t a competition, so don’t compare yourself to others: if you have a place to live, can cover your expenses, and love your partner, you’re already richer than most. I became happiest after 43, when I learned to truly appreciate what I have.
The Partner
It’s not true that happiness only comes from being married with kids. Many people I know are stuck in unhappy marriages and, while they love their children, don’t find much joy in parenting. The reasons? The wrong partner, too much work, lack of time, stress, and money worries. I have several friends who are single and child-free, and I can say – including myself – they are some of the happiest people I know.
Life Isn’t a Movie
When we’re young, many of us – myself included – try to live life like it’s a movie. A nonstop, exciting story, and we get disappointed when it’s not. I was like that too. But life isn’t a film; it can’t be thrilling all the time. It’s made up of happy moments that connect. I once read, “Don’t make your life a novel, make it a poetry collection,” and that’s what I aim for now.
Changing Course
At 28, I had a job I didn’t like and lived with my boyfriend, who deep down I knew wasn’t the partner I wanted. But I thought it was too late to change because I was already on a path that would define my life. My message to young people is it’s never too late to change. You have plenty of time, so don’t settle. I met the love of my life at 37, gave birth at 39, and started a completely new career at 45. Now at 48, I’ve never felt better—everything has fallen into place.
True Value
Time is more valuable than money, and as the years go by, time seems to speed up. Someone might have lots of money, but everyone has the same amount of time—it can’t be bought. How much time do we really have on Earth? At most 70-80 years, often less. Don’t invest your money in things; invest in experiences. Don’t chase money, chase the small happy moments with family and friends. What mattered to me before was a nice car or clothes; now it’s travel and time with friends.
Who Deserves You
Only invest your time and energy in people who truly deserve it. Just because someone is family doesn’t mean you have to keep them in your life if they don’t earn it. Choose your friends carefully: if they don’t add to your life or bring you down, it’s okay to let go. You don’t have to keep in touch just because you’ve known each other since childhood.
Clear out the frustration and energy-draining relationships, and keep close only those who truly deserve it. It’s not a tragedy if you don’t get along with everyone; happiness doesn’t require many friends or family. I cut ties with my unbearable brother and a toxic childhood friend, and my life has been so much less stressful since.
Joy
Once, I told someone I liked drawing but was terrible at it—like a 12-year-old. They asked when I stopped drawing. Around 12. That made me realize we don’t have to give up childhood hobbies just because we grow up. Do what you enjoy, regardless of whether it brings money or recognition: do it because you love it. Joy is the reward.
The Body
As a doctor, I advise you to watch your weight, monitor your blood pressure, and don’t smoke. Seventy-five percent of my patients diagnosed with serious illnesses have at least one of these risk factors.
The Savior
You can’t change someone else. Whether family, friend, or partner, don’t fight to change them—it’s pointless. Don’t sacrifice yourself or waste your life on people you can’t save. (After years, I let go of a great love who was struggling with addiction, and it was the right choice.)
Opinion
In my twenties, I cared too much about others’ opinions. After 40, I know what matters is not what others think of me, but that I’m satisfied with myself. Perfection doesn’t exist, you’ll always have critics—don’t prove anything to anyone but yourself.
