Unlike the male “incel,” who chooses celibacy unwillingly, the “boysober” woman makes this choice consciously.
Balance
I still believe I’d be happy with a partner, but while I was actively dating, the emotional rollercoaster really took a toll. Joyful and deep moments alternated constantly. When a guy sent a sweet message or a date went well, I felt on cloud nine; but when I got ghosted or hurt, I sank into a funk.
I decided it wasn’t worth it, and my mental health means more than any man. Since I stopped dating, my mood hasn’t been a rollercoaster—it’s steady and content, and that’s priceless to me.
Recommended by Balanced Women
Yes, sex is great, but have you tried abstinence as a form of emotional wellness? Give it a shot—but beware: it’s addictive! My two friends and I got so hooked that we have zero interest in stressing ourselves out with men anymore.
Trauma
My sister says my celibacy is a “trauma response” to past relationships and flings, but my answer is that I handle sex with my clever little toys, and I don’t miss the drama.
Never Again
After responsibly mourning a long relationship, I started dating again. On friends’ advice, I avoided Tinder and tried Bumble, where women make the first move. After eight months of no luck, I can say most men still treat women like sexual accessories and have no intention of building a real relationship.
Why would they, when the next date—and likely sex—is just a swipe away? Dating apps have wrecked romance; organic connections are rare now. So, thanks but no thanks—I’m out.
On My Own
I broke up with my ex before Covid and spent three years celibate, during which I realized I’m a whole person on my own, living a meaningful life without needing anyone beside me. Society only values us if we have a husband and kids, but a woman’s worth isn’t tied to her relationship status.
Disposable
After a few years of online dating, I felt like a disposable sex doll. Nowadays, men don’t even need to put in the effort to buy a drink or have a good chat—one swipe on the app and they’ve got all the info on when and where to meet. My self-esteem was rock bottom, I was anxious, and I was done with this game where I could only lose.
Since giving up on romance and sex, my soul feels peaceful.
Goals
Instead of awkward dates and empty hookups, I’m focusing on myself. Weekly spinning and yoga, Friday nights out with the girls, and weekend classes. Unlike dating, these things enrich my life.
Exhausted
It started as a joke with my friends about how nuns might be onto something because we were so tired of dating that joining a convent started to sound like a good idea. Now we focus on our careers, enjoy dinners out, and take exotic trips. Being together recharges us instead of draining us like the struggles with men.
The Reward
I practiced celibacy for two years and didn’t particularly miss sex or affection—just occasionally. I was balanced and happy, and maybe that’s what attracted my current partner, who unexpectedly came into my life.
I highly recommend celibacy—even temporarily—to my friends because it truly heals you emotionally. It helps you shake off the flaky guys and opens you up to a serious relationship.
Power
Celibacy gave me strength, like reclaiming control over my body. Every time I met someone, I felt I owed sex if they treated me kindly or invited me to dinner—but now I know I’m not here to satisfy a man’s desires.
