Opinion: Borka Schuszter
My partner and I feel our family is complete: I have a little girl from a previous relationship, whom he loves dearly, but he doesn’t want a child of his own, and I’m not really craving another either. At least, that’s not part of our current plans.
That “not now” means in practice that the birth control burden currently falls on me. Pills, counting days, side effects, check-ups — all the invisible work many women automatically weave into their lives. Not complaining, just stating a fact: this is how it’s been, and I’ve carried it so far.
But it felt good recently to say out loud that this isn’t a commitment without an end date.
We recently talked about our future, and I told him: I’m giving us time until I turn 40 to reconsider. To decide if we want another child. Personally, I feel that after this point, I don’t want to go through pregnancy and childbirth again. Thanks to modern medicine, I know it’s still very possible to have a child safely at this age, but this is just my personal preference. We don’t have to decide now — we can reconsider until 40. But if by then we haven’t felt the desire for another child, let’s consider the question settled.
A permanent solution will be needed, too
And if the final decision is made — no more kids — it makes sense to pair that with a permanent solution. Here’s the part we talk less about: who takes responsibility for that.
In Hungary, permanent birth control options like vasectomy or tubal ligation come with strict conditions.
But the reality is, we’re not geographically trapped: these procedures are quite accessible in neighboring countries.
And if we have choices, it’s worth looking at what each option means in practice.
Male sterilization is a far less invasive procedure. It’s quick, relatively simple, recovery is shorter, and generally comes with fewer risks. In contrast, female procedures are more serious surgeries with greater strain. Seeing it this way, it’s pretty clear to me what feels fair.
That’s why I also said something that might still sound unusual to many: if we close the chapter on having children after 40, I want to hand over birth control responsibility to my partner. I believe this is a completely reasonable request.
Because when I think about it, I’ve carried this burden in recent years — time, money, energy, and yes, side effects and risks too. This isn’t martyrdom, just a role we agreed on that worked for a while. But it doesn’t have to stay that way forever.
Choosing my partner for life was the right call, and it’s even clearer now how naturally he accepted this. No arguments, no hard feelings. Just a quiet agreement: he agrees it’s fair, my request is logical and just, and he’s on board. If I keep carrying the birth control burden for a few more years to keep our options open, it’s only fair to expect that when the door closes, he’ll take on the share of that responsibility our relationship will need to keep thriving.
