What does a healthy marriage even look like? Many haven’t seen one yet, so it’s hard to say.
Change
Everyone changes; no one stays the same person they were when they were young. My husband and I met when we were 27. He was a confident, sharp-dressed guy with a bit of an edge, juggling multiple businesses and moving from meeting to meeting in a suit. I was a true innocent, a sheltered good girl who wanted to please everyone—especially him.
Twenty years later, my husband is a quiet guy with a bit of a belly, whose hobby is gardening and whose vegetable patch is his pride and joy. I started fitness a few years ago, and as I got stronger, I began wearing shorter skirts—and now, I don’t care what anyone thinks. The point is, we accepted each other’s changes and grew together. You can’t expect your partner to stay the same person you fell in love with years ago.
Balance
I’ve been in relationships where my partner clung to me so tightly I could barely breathe, and others where they barely wanted to see me. From the start of my marriage, I made it clear I wanted us to spend plenty of quality time together, but once the honeymoon phase ended, we couldn’t be each other’s entire world. Luckily, my husband felt the same, and that balance still works well for us.
We make time for our own hobbies, friends, and work, but we never neglect date nights, trips, or simply quality moments together.
Decision Making
Recently, a couple we know divorced because the wife accepted a job abroad without consulting her husband. He wasn’t willing to uproot his life, and she didn’t want to stay, so they parted ways. I never make big decisions without checking in with my wife first. Since we’ve joined our lives, we only move forward when we both agree.
Respect
Hurting each other is never okay. I grew up in a home where my parents argued all day, throwing cruel words and insults at each other. They threatened and aimed to hurt where it hurt most. This wasn’t just behind closed doors—they humiliated each other in front of others, too.
I promised myself that if I ever had a wife, I’d never speak or allow her to speak to me like that. We’ve been married 15 years, and while we do argue sometimes, we always maintain basic respect.
The Kids
My husband and I adore our kids—they’re a top priority in our lives. But our relationship isn’t just about them; it’s about us. I see many couples hyper-focused on their children, drifting apart as a result. (This often falls more on the moms.)
In the early months, it’s natural that baby and mom are inseparable, especially with breastfeeding. But it’s realistic to expect parents to go on dates at least once a month a few months after birth. As the child grows, you can increase this to every two weeks, then weekly. That’s how we kept our romance alive. And here’s the thing: this isn’t selfish—it’s good for the kids, too. Happy parents raise happy children.
