Looking at the stats, it’s actually not the seventh but the tenth year that puts couples to the biggest test. Though it’s true that in the U.S., divorces most often happen around the eighth year of marriage.
Looking beyond that, we see that some couples in crisis still try to work things out, but tensions tend to peak around year ten, when many decide it’s time to say, “this isn’t working anymore.”
A study from Brigham Young University, analyzing thousands of women’s experiences, found marital satisfaction drops sharply as couples approach the tenth year. This is when small, long-suppressed issues suddenly surface and start to erode the relationship.
Complaints like “I do all the housework,” “You don’t pay attention to money,” or “I’m the only one raising the kids” become more common. These recurring themes can build walls between partners, making the tenth anniversary a real turning point to reconsider “what’s next.”
So why does this year become such a critical time?
Milestone anniversaries always feel special (think about how your own birthday marks the passing of time), so the tenth year together likely leaves a bigger mark.
By this point, many couples have already welcomed their first child(ren), bought a home, and navigated the most intense phase of building their lives — so they reach the tenth anniversary exhausted but still pushing to keep up. What was once a source of joy can start to feel like a project: organizing, logistics, survival, and a cloud of monotony.
Our own story backs this up, even if our toughest time wasn’t exactly year ten. We’ve been together nearly twenty years, and our hardest period was around years seven to eight. We were building a house and had our daughter then. Often exhausted, we talked past each other, but we got through it — and the challenge actually strengthened us. We learned new ways to communicate and how to reconnect even when neither of us was at our best.
The good news: the crisis around year ten isn’t the end.
It can actually be a chance to build a deeper, more conscious connection — but only if you’re ready to put in the effort! Don’t accept drifting apart as normal, because it’s much harder to find your way back when arguments become constant and heated. (It’s not impossible, just tougher.) Check in regularly: How is your partner feeling? What’s missing? What could you change together?
If you feel stuck, consider outside help. A couples therapist can spot patterns and offer fresh perspectives. Don’t underestimate the power of small gestures, either. Whether it’s a weekend getaway, a calm, honest talk, or a spontaneous afternoon together — these moments can revive the memories of when you truly enjoyed each other’s company.
A Brookings Institution study highlights that marriage — especially around the midlife crisis — can have a balancing effect, easing what’s called the “happiness dip.” People in marriage tend to be more balanced, especially when their partner is also their best friend.
This reminds us how important it is to see our partner not just as a spouse, but as a friend we can always rely on and enjoy spending time with.
Remember, marriage isn’t a “forever happiness guarantee” but a contract you rewrite together over time. The tenth year is just one chapter — not the end, but a chance for a fresh start. If you accept that life changes, you both change, and your relationship may need new solutions, there’s hope that by your twentieth anniversary, you’ll look back differently — seeing your life together as the result of many conscious choices and shared compromises, not just chance.
