Many women enter relationships thinking they’ll change their man, but that’s never going to work.
The Shape
My mom used to say women are complicated, but men exist in their simplest form, like a plain stone. All you can do is choose a stone you like just as it is.
The Neighbor Lady
Monika was my bold neighbor, and over the years living side by side, I learned more about life from her than from all my self-help books combined. One day, we bumped into each other on the landing, and I excitedly told her about my new guy. I joked that his only flaw was being a bit rude, but I’d fix that. Monika just said, “Sweetheart, if his mom didn’t teach him manners, no one else will.” Fifteen years later, I have to admit she was right—even though I didn’t believe her back then.
Wisdom
There’s a saying: when a couple marries, the man hopes the woman won’t change, but she will. The woman hopes the man will change, but he never will.
Under the Spell of Pisces
At first, I actually liked that my future husband took me fishing when we met. I enjoyed being outdoors since my previous three boyfriends never wanted to go outside or hike. Fishing bored me, but I soaked up the sun and thought, finally, a man who spends his free time not partying or drinking, but sitting by a fishing rod. Then our kids were born, and instead of spending weekends with them, my husband kept going fishing. His idea of helping with the kids was occasionally taking them along—but I always had to beg for that.
Plan Up in Smoke
A man isn’t a project to fix; he’s a complete person.
Transition?
When I met Ákos, he was going through a chaotic phase—fresh out of a breakup, changing jobs, and moving to a new place. I was patient because that’s a lot all at once. But after four years together, I realized his chaos wasn’t temporary; it was constant. He couldn’t sit still calmly and often created problems just to complain about the mess in his life. We stayed friends after breaking up, and twenty years later, he’s still the same—jumping from one woman to another, moving from apartment to apartment and job to job. He’ll never settle down.
Not True!
I object—it's not true that a man can’t change. I agree he’ll be the same person you met on day one, but honestly, he can get worse! Speaking from experience, I know men who have only gotten more difficult over the years.
The Wedge
Why can’t you change a man? It’s simple. Men are famously straightforward—like a wooden wedge. Can you bend a wooden wedge? No.
Facts
Facts are stubborn, and some facts everyone knows but denies. One is about “training” men. It doesn’t exist, it never worked, and it never will. I’ve seen strong women tame henpecked husbands—like training an animal—but deep down, the man stayed the same. He behaved as expected for a few years, then, like a circus lion tired of its chains, he broke free. One day he left without a word, and now he has a wife who accepts him as he is.
The Little Things
Remember, those little things that bother you at the start of a relationship will annoy you a thousand times more years later. I ignored them too at first, only to wake up after 25 years of marriage living with a stranger I resented.
