Who’s Responsible?
My male friends say men are only responsible for conception since the decision to terminate a pregnancy always lies with the woman. I’d argue otherwise because many women want to keep the baby, but their partner insists on abortion.
Even if we agree with that analogy, the next debate is about responsibility: To reduce abortions, we must prevent unwanted pregnancies—and those are undeniably caused by men.
Feeling Misled
Speaking of unwanted pregnancies, we should also mention situations where a woman misleads her partner by saying she’s on birth control when she’s not. From this angle, men are vulnerable too. In my circle, two guys ended up fathers this way, both now paying child support.
One had a child from a “friends with benefits” setup, the other from a one-night stand. One’s life was shattered after being disowned by half his family; the other struggles emotionally because he never wanted a child but now has one he doesn’t know how to handle.
Got One on You?
A guy recently came over, and after some chatting, we ended up in bed. When clothes started coming off, I whispered for him to use a condom—he was surprised and said he didn’t have one. I told him no condom, no sex. He was shocked I didn’t have any at home. Instead of wild sex, we had a passionate debate about whose responsibility it is to bring condoms. He argued it’s the woman’s because she risks pregnancy; I said it’s his because his sperm causes it. We couldn’t agree and never met again.
Reasons
I work in a clinic, and most abortions happen because women feel their life conditions aren’t right for having a child. (More than half already have kids and don’t want more.) Abortions due to incest, sexual assault, or fetal deformities are rare.
The Bottom Line
Here’s a quiet fact: a woman doesn’t need to have an orgasm to get pregnant, but the man does ejaculate. That alone shows pregnancy prevention is just as much a man’s responsibility as a woman’s.
By the Numbers
As a gynecologist, I can tell you most women are fertile only about two days a month. There are exceptions, but that’s the case for most eggs, which also have an "expiration date." This means a woman is fertile roughly 24 days a year. A man, however, is fertile every day of the year and can ejaculate multiple times daily. Theoretically, a single man could cause over a thousand unwanted pregnancies. While sperm quality declines with age, men don’t become infertile like women do. From puberty to death, men remain capable of fathering children. Looking at it this way, it’s clearer who holds the real responsibility.
Safety
Abortions today are safer than many realize. Less than 1% of first-trimester abortions have complications. For comparison, childbirth is 14 times more likely to be fatal than abortion.
The Pill
I’m grateful to live in an era where birth control is accessible in developed societies, though pills can still cause side effects. Every woman knows men dislike using condoms, but taking the pill has completely solved that problem for me. I decide if and when I want children. And if a pregnancy still happens, abortion remains an option. That’s a freedom our grandmothers and great-grandmothers could only dream of. (Vasectomy is also becoming more accessible and is reversible.)
Trauma?
I had an abortion in my twenties. As a young woman, I always heard it was an unbearable trauma, a painful, terrible experience that shadows a woman’s life. For me, it wasn’t. I scheduled the appointment, went to the hospital, was put under anesthesia, woke up, and went home a few hours later. I had some spotting that day but no pain, and a few days later, I forgot about it. Twenty years later, I have two kids and only think of it when abortion comes up. It was the right choice for me, I don’t regret it, and it didn’t affect me emotionally. So I don’t understand why it’s still such a taboo.
Good News
On a positive note, abortion rates have been declining for years in developed countries.
