Not everyone finds human touch natural.
The Diagnosis
I never liked being touched. Even as a child, I felt sick when my parents made me endure the slobbery kisses of elderly relatives, and at school, I hated having to hold my partner’s hand during class outings.
When I started dating, I was fine touching guys, but it made me uncomfortable when they wanted to touch me. I enjoyed sex, but I hated being caressed or having my hair played with when we cuddled.
At 32, I told a guy on our first date about this, and he didn’t even look up from his salad before saying I’m autistic. I was stunned—I thought, no way, I’m not autistic. But tests later confirmed he was right. I’m highly functioning and almost symptom-free, but definitely on the spectrum. Because of my sensory sensitivity, I react strongly to touch.
Different Homes, Different Habits
My husband has never liked being touched. He says he grew up in a family where physical contact was rare. No hugging or kissing. His parents didn’t cuddle each other or the kids, and he mostly fought with his siblings.
He told me he was shocked when he first visited a classmate’s home and saw parents kissing. Until then, he thought that only happened in movies. It took me years to help him understand that gentle touch is important in a relationship.
Trauma
My wife came home from work one evening after a sexual assault: a drunk man almost raped her on the street. Since then, she’s had PTSD and won’t let anyone touch her, which is completely understandable. We’re seeing a therapist, and I know it will take time for her to feel safe with my touch again. I’m patient and won’t rush her.
Cold North
My husband is Norwegian, where touching isn’t really a thing. When we started dating, I told him I respect cultural differences, but when I want to show him affection, I will. He doesn’t exactly love it, but he’s gotten used to and accepted my "outbursts."
Overwhelmed
I have serious social anxiety, and when someone touches me, I panic. My senses get overloaded by touch stimuli, and I immediately shut down because I feel like I’m losing control. I’ve seen a psychiatrist before, but it didn’t help. Now I’m looking for a new specialist and working on it every day.
Without Safety
My wife’s parents weren’t emotionally available when she was little, which led to her having avoidant personality disorder. She has low self-esteem, tends to isolate herself, and avoids social interactions. She finds touch unpleasant because she feels unattractive. She’s come to accept my tenderness—after years of hard work—but I’ve convinced her that to me, she’s the most beautiful woman, and it’s a joy to touch her.
No Way
My husband pulls away when I try to stroke him. I can’t even run my fingers through his hair—he just can’t stand being touched. He’s never been a cuddly type, but it’s gotten worse over the years because—turns out—since Covid, he’s terrified of germs and infections. He has mysophobia, meaning he’s disgusted by dirt and contamination, so he won’t let me touch him. He doesn’t want to get dirty or catch anything from me.
