"Not Enough Nice, Kind Guys" – Women Over 40 Share Their Online Dating Stories

I don’t see myself as a spring chicken, but it’s honestly shocking how often I get messages from men over 60. And not the charming silver fox type like Sean Connery, but the real deal—potbellied, partly bald grandpa types. I take good care of myself, so I don’t think they’re the right match for me.

I divorced at 40 and hadn’t dated since my twenties, so I was pretty shocked by what’s going on in the “meat market.” After a year of trying without success, I’ve learned you have to let go of all expectations. At this age, you won’t find a blonde prince—at best, someone who doesn’t make your stomach turn. Beautiful people are rare, the dating pool is small, and limited options often lead to unhealthy relationship dynamics. Endless patience and thick skin are absolutely essential.

Twenty-something guys message me—they’re sweet, but what am I supposed to do with them? Should I just adopt them?

I’ve had relationships from online dating after 40, and on the surface, it’s not bad—good sex and fun dates. But when real challenges come up, everything falls apart. Relationships don’t survive serious health issues, job loss, or the death of a close family member. Everyone has their own struggles with kids or aging parents, and they don’t want to carry anyone else’s burdens.

Your experience really depends on where you live. When I lived in the city, I still got a few dates, but since moving to the countryside, it’s like the tap was turned off—even after loosening my search criteria like age. Online dating here is practically non-existent.

Men lie. They post photos that are 15 years and 15 kilos (33 lbs) heavier than reality. They say they want a serious relationship but only want sex. It’s tough for men—they message 50 women and only two reply. It’s tough for women too—they get messages from hundreds of guys but are interested in only two.

When I was younger, if we didn’t want to date or get involved, we met and said so face to face. I first heard about “ghosting” at 45, and I still can’t get over it. My younger colleagues just shrug it off and say not to stress, but I can’t understand how this became normal. No need for a meeting or even a call—just a quick message: “Sorry, we’re not a match.” That would be enough for me, but some can’t even do that. Where are we living? What’s happened to human connections nowadays?!

If I had to sum it up in one word: soul-crushing. To my fellow women, here’s a heads-up: men in their fifties are looking for women in their thirties. That realization hit me like a punch.

I tried online dating for years, thinking it would be easier to filter people by hobbies, interests, education, or age. But it’s not. Someone can send ten photos where I like how they look, but if there’s zero chemistry in person, it’s a no-go. Or I might swipe left because I don’t like their photo, but they’d be great in real life.

Online dating offers a wider selection, but in my experience, this abundance undermines commitment and loyalty. Since there’s always a dozen new options just a click away, it’s hard to form deeper bonds. We can chat and meet multiple people at once, and even if we find someone, the thought of “maybe there’s someone better” lingers. We never settle, which leads to confusion and cheating. It’s tough.

Photos: istockphoto.com