“Not Everyone Can Bear the Burden of Loyalty” – Why You Should Move On If He Won’t Marry You

Stendhal said it best: “It’s not fitting to love someone you’d be ashamed to marry.” So if a couple’s relationship isn’t clearly defined for everyone, it unconsciously sends the message that it’s not forever—just as long as it’s convenient or until someone better comes along. You’re part of my life, but we don’t live "in each other." I don’t promise anything because I’m not fully in it, but I’m definitely in you. It’s not the institution that’s flawed, but people who are selfish, uncertain, and unwilling to be accountable—that’s a matter of maturity and emotional intelligence. As Károly Törzsök puts it: “The jewel of love is loyalty; its test is marriage.”

Women often start from their own perspective. Many feel more at ease with a man who’s in a cohabiting relationship than one who’s married. Marriage is a pact of protection and defiance. Deep down, everyone believes that even from the lowest point, feelings can be revived because the couple wasn’t formed by accident. Their connection is special—they can forgive each other for everything because of love, shared history, and future possibilities. Most women need to be elevated to the status of "wife—the one and only" in a relationship. They need that protective boundary against “attacks” that marriage symbolizes. Marriage means belonging together, fully accepting the other, forever. It’s commitment, which brings a new quality to the relationship.

The real art isn’t forcing someone to marry you. It’s inspiring him to want to marry you freely, without pressure. A woman’s dedication truly begins here—cherishing the relationship and the idea of "forever." This applies to men too. A man shouldn’t marry just to make his wife happy or to throw a fancy wedding, but because he himself wants to be happy—and for both to be happy together for life. English author S. J. Watson says: “My husband is my protector, that’s true, but he’s also my love. (…) I’ve always loved him, and if I have to learn to love him anew every single day, I’m ready.”

Sometimes, men and women make each other unhappy—great love can end in great disappointment. Writer Péter Vasadi puts it this way: “Every divorce is a premature defeat; surrendering in the fight for each other out of fear.” So showing love with every possible effort and avoiding hurtful, endless battles is the only way to avoid this common pitfall. Marguerite Vallette-Eymery, known as Rachilde, said: “There’s no such thing as a bad marriage, only bad spouses.” The secret to a good marriage or relationship is learning how to love the other person properly. We must learn to respect each other, ourselves, and the institution of marriage for it to work.

Not every relationship leads to marriage—only those worthy of it, where the possibility of "forever" and continuous growth exists. It’s no longer about being for or against marriage, but about maturity, selflessness, and responsibility. Gábor Szendi sums it up well: “People don’t fear marriage because divorce is complicated, but because marriage symbolizes loyalty and commitment—burdens not everyone can bear.” And finally, Socrates’ golden nugget: “Definitely get married. If you find a good wife, you’ll be happy; if not, you’ll become a philosopher.”