Trauma
My vegetarian friend of ten years suddenly craved a burger in the middle of the night. No way around it—we had to bundle up and find a 24-hour drive-thru. She ordered two cheeseburgers but was shocked to find cheese inside and didn’t eat them. I offered to turn back, but she yelled, “No, it’s too late now!” When we got home, she crawled into bed and cried until morning.
Returns
She decided the stroller we bought wasn’t right after all, so we returned it. After an hour and a half of browsing, we ended up buying the exact same model again.
Workout
At the gym, I saw a heavily pregnant woman doing bench presses and squats with weights that would make half my guy friends jealous. I wondered, isn’t she worried she might push the baby out with one wrong move?
Taste Buds
For a whole month, she ate just two things: tomatoes with honey and dry sausage dipped in apricot jam. The next month, she ate a pot of mashed potatoes every day—and didn’t gain any weight except for her growing belly. Women are amazing.
The Line
At a festival, I saw a clearly pregnant girl snorting a line of white powder. Whether it was cocaine or speed, I never found out—and honestly, it doesn’t matter. I froze, unsure what to do. I was just 18, but I knew it was wrong. I told the security guards, who told me to get lost with my nonsense. It’s been twenty years, but I still wonder what happened to that poor baby.
Dressed Up
My pregnant sister—who was unbearably moody for the first seven months—literally raged until we found and ordered her a Winnie the Pooh costume. She put it on, and with her belly, she really looked like Pooh. Somehow, that calmed her completely, and from then on, she was the most balanced mom-to-be ever. We even ordered her a second Pooh costume so she could switch between them, since she refused to wear anything else until the baby arrived.
Flipped Out
A colleague’s pregnant wife ordered a glass of red wine at a company dinner, and the waiter asked if she was sure about drinking alcohol "while expecting." The usually quiet, sweet wife instantly turned into Godzilla, yelling and flipping the table. She caused such a scene that the restaurant owner wanted to call the police. Since then, I’ve learned: don’t mess with a pregnant woman—just give her what she asks for.
Oh No
My sister-in-law got so tired of strangers always asking if she was pregnant that she started giving savage answers with a poker face, like: “No, it’s a tumor,” or “No, I have a hernia,” or “No, I’m just fat.” Every time, the questioners were shocked—and I’m sure they never asked anyone else if they were expecting again.
Realization
At a party, a friend told me how his toddler daughter ran up to him, waving her hands and dancing. He praised her for dancing so nicely—until it turned out she needed to pee and was asking him to pull down her pants. A woman there laughed so hard she suddenly started crying without stopping. Nobody understood what was happening until her husband said, “Oh my God, you’re pregnant again!” And he was right.
It Won’t Happen
I woke up early to find my pregnant wife standing by the window quietly crying. When I asked what was wrong, she said she was upset because by the time our baby is born, there won’t be any snow left. The next evening, she teared up again, worried the grass in the yard wouldn’t be green enough for the baby’s arrival.
Cover photo: cottonbro studio/pexels.com
